Guest Report By AskewRat

the following is a very long detailed story of my trip to red bank and the many misadventures i had while there. OK let me start this from the very beginning. me and my dad are driving to jersey(props to my boy marksman) so as were driving my dad totally changes, he turns from normal anoying dad to super jersey jerk. he’s spilling over with hate, immigrants stealing jobs, gas money, and driving all this way to see a fucking 7/11. so finally we get to red bank were i made my pre stash tour purchase (making it the second time. so im in line with my daredevil comics(its hard to get them at my store) so im paying just in time to here Walt and Bryan bitching about the tour(well actually they were just saying how they didn’t know what to really talk about. i guess that they thought the stash would require a tour guide.) so i pay for my shit and leave for the marriot(party center) so me and my dad pull into “a” mariott little did i know it was some elderly home. i was wondering why they freaked when i yelled “time for a phat cronic blunt. naga noonch”.(just kidding i only use jay’s words to make fun of fanboys.) so then we finally find the correct marriot. now its at this point that i had to sneak my little dog a Chihuahua into the room(insert funny image of my dad trying to fit our dog into a backpack.) so then i later meet up with the group that along with me will form the ultimate parry bunch.(marksman,afflected,and fanboy!!!!) so we chill in the lobby for a while. shortly after this afflected begins her liquid diet and john tells us a very interesting story about oj, cement ass jobs and silkworms. so we get to know each other, tell some storys. and learn the new secret pass word ( the four fingers and snootchie bootchies!!) so we then head up to marksman’s room were we meet chopper3. this guy is fucking great man he buys me break fast and gives me a ride to the stash. and he came from England man thats a long trip.(although afflected drove the farthest). then two other guys joined us(i can’t remember their names.) then we go down stairs were we party till about 2:30 am but it was during this time that we talked about banky and randalls secually prowess, me and john gave a little cermon, and discussed web adress with brad and chris(shut up . com) and gave some shit to Chris(the cool dude from NASA) the me john(fanboy)brad, Chris and another two guys who’s names i cant remember. chilled in a their room and talked about dogma guest at the stash, jay&silent bob and some other shit,oh and theres one other thing i can’t forget the crazy old lady with the claws and no shoes(but ill save that for whoever asks. and hey she hooked us up with some good food told stories about mewes and kevin.)

then Saturday comes and i get a ride from chopper3, the man(and good driver.) so i get to the stash and after a hearty breakfast of yoo-hoo and a bagel. so im chilling at the stash around group #1 time’s but im in group five so its going to be a wait(in the cold. i was givin no blanket no coffe not even one of those dillectible motts juice boxes that you basterds feasted apon. j/k). so i chill in front of the stash thats being garded by some cloaks of mystery(sheets) now its around this time that i see Kevin(who remembered me from my last visit. this guy deseves a cup of jell-o) so we talked a little. then i saw jay(good luck with that audition jay) got some signatures and photos(and no cvs did not steal them this time) then later in the day around group#2 i meet Bryan and see if he will take me up on that ass kicking offer from the MTV shorts. he declined a response but i could smell his fear. then later he lets me come in early(this guy has a heart of gold. and i don’t mind saying when he had his arm on my sholder i felt a little shakey in the legs.) so now he lets me in and this means i didn’t need a bus ride home. so im in the stash say hi to brad and Chris.(who are some cool guys even if they never update j/k) oh and guys ill be tending bar again in October.(brad knows what i mean) so im in the stash trying hard to remember all the way cool swag and props.( i want a Catholicism wow button, and mooby stuff damit) a little later i talk with jimmy and Joe and whats her face(im sorry im terrible with names. but she does pain killer Jane) oh and i too was witness to the “hey baby, you bag your comics?” chat. and the wait guessing on the street thing(if you were there then you know how much girls like it. hell grandma loves it) so then i move over to get some stuff signed by Kevin and Brian.(Kevin your my hero) so then the highlight of the day happens, the dogma trailer is shown it was breathe taking i can’t wait. also vulgar looks terrific if not some what vulgar(pun intended) OK so now im on the tour bus(wow i teleported) so im on the bus and jay gets on !!!! yes jay rocks) so brains talking about hyaco(i can’t spell that dogs name) and how it took a shit on his floor. and he had quite a nice hyaco of his own. then jay talks about blow holes and takes a piss in the john. but im sorry the funniest story had to be of crippled jimmy( “ya now he’s got a ramp in his yard man thats fucked up”) oh and jays story about the kid who got his ass beat was also good. also another highlight was the quickstop were we all baught gatorade(hell i think at heart we all are fan boys. thats why we baught tickets) then i buy jay some sour balls( shit man jay could of had the shirt off my back if he asked. he is the funniest guy man)then back on the bus jays telling us how seth green almost replaced him for mallrats,and brian talks about who was going to be dante. oh and the thing about dante needing glasses was brought up along with the new animated series.

so i now end this story by saying thanks to everybody especially Bryan(thanks man) Kevin(ill see you this summer at wizard world) jay, and Brian(this guy does a terrific krusty impression.) it was a great time and well worth the small price. i also give kudos to marksman(hey man you are a very cool guy from new york) chopper3( man you ever come to Connecticut you got a place to stay i mean it) Kevin(have a big rest man that was a lot of hours) jay(hey man you got good taste in comics. jla kicks booty and the hulk will smash.) john( dude you stole my spotlight but your OK in my book. but hey brad and Chris haven’t posted about you yet so i think theyll be seeing the four. do the math it all ads up. ) and afflected.(have fun at work at the crazy house) well that’s all folks see ya all in October.