TV Guide Online: Joining us right now is the writer/director and alter ego of Silent Bob himself, Dr. Kevin 
Smith.

Smith: Before I say anything, I'd like to ask if there are any Nielsen families with us tonight. I'd just like to 
tell you folks, that I really respect you and your commitment to the ratings process. Now give us a good 
fucking rating, you fucks.

Question: How involved are you in the writing of the TV show "Clerks"?

Smith: I worked on every episode.  For example, tonight's show features a first act primarily written by me, 
with the second act written primarily by Dave Mandel and a third act that we collaborated on. Steve 
Lookner came up with the story. And then ABC came up with the crappy scheduling.

Question: Why do you think Jason Mewes was overlooked for the role of Anakin in "Star Wars: Episode 
2"?

Smith: I think Mewes is just too... Jedi... for those flicks. Plus, he would've spent the whole shoot trying to 
bang Natalie.

Question: If you felt secure that another director would remain true to your dialogue, would you consider 
writing screenplays that you didn't then go on to direct? Has the "Clerks" experience" kept you from ever 
wanting to work in television again?

Smith: It's kept me from ever wanting to make another animated series for ABC again, that's for sure. But I 
still have faith in TV.  I just won't be flirting with it any time soon. Unless, of course, it is to use as a means 
with which to watch the occasional transsexual porn.

Question: Where's Jay and Silent Bob's store located? What type of material can we expect to find there?

Smith: Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash is located in scenic downtown Red Bank, the jewel in the Jersey 
crown. You can find all manner of crappy merchandise upon which I've whored my image.

Question: Did anyone ever win the set of books from film school that you were giving away back in the 
early days of viewaskew.com?  

Smith: Someone did, but I'm not sure if we ever sent him or her the books. I don't see them around the 
office anymore, so I imagine someone sent them out. Next?

Question: Which of the 6 episodes of the "Clerks" cartoon do you like the most?

Smith: I'm a big fan of episode six.  It's the one in which we mock ourselves, and how the show is nothing 
like the movie.  I think it's Mewes' finest hour on the show.

Question: Are the voices for the cartoon done by the actors from the movie?

Smith: Yeah - O'Halloran, Anderson, Mewes and me (or rather, the lack of my voice) are reprising our 
roles.

Question: Did you ever see the movie "Gummo" by Harmony Korine? If so what did you think about it?

Smith: Haven't watched "Gummo" yet.  Haven't worked up the nerve to take in what's more than likely a 
staggering masterpiece of cinematic genius. That, and I'd rather jerk off in front of one hundred rabid anti-
Kev's, all armed to the teeth with any number of heartbreaking insults about how small my dick is. Fuck 
Harmony Korine.

Question: Any chance of making Dante and Randall figures or Brodie and TS figures?

Smith: When I run out of smokes money, you'll be sure to see these fine View Askew products gracing the 
shelves. In other words - yes.  Very soon.

Question: Do you, as a new father, have a new outlook on the material you put into the media as how it 
may benefit kids?   Not that it's not funny for older people ...:)

Smith: Of course.  What kind of parent would I be if I was remiss in thinking of the children who might 
stumble across our flicks.  In light of that, the next flick from View Askew is going to be "Jay and Silent 
Bob Curse in Front of and Beat up the First Grade".

Question: Why is Brodie carrying a Dixie cup in half of "Mallrats"?

Smith: That was something of an homage to my friend Walter, who spent an entire day many moons ago 
slowly milking a Dixie Cup full of Pepsi.  It was nothing short of amazing.

Question: Is Vulgarthon 2000 gonna be open to all or are we going to have to get advance tickets like in the 
Dogma Screening Benefit?

Smith: It's first come, first serve, once we open up the phone lines on the event, sometime near the end of 
the summer.  I think there's only five hundred seats, so the tickets will go pretty fast.

Question: Kevin, how do you feel about the now-controversial "Flintstone's List" scene that was dropped?  
I thought it was hilarious, but I understand why many would be upset.

Smith: It's a great gag, but I get why it wasn't allowed on the air.  The world isn't ready to laugh about the 
Holocaust just yet.

Question: Hey Kevin- whatever happened to the second half of the Bluntman and Chronic comic, and the 
Bartleby and Loki one as well?

Smith: That was never designed as a true two-parter.  It was written to end with the cliffhanger of whether 
or not Jay and Bob would take a shot in the mouth to save their hides.

Question: Will the next Vulgarthon be a benefit ala Dogma for diabetes?

Smith: It's a benefit, alright.  It's benefit for my kid's eventual college fund.

Question: You have said on many occasions that you doubt highly that all six episodes will be shown...in 
the event that that happens will you release all the episodes on video, or dvd?

Smith: Absolutely.  We're gearing up to record commentary and intros for them now.

Question: Kevin, would you consider doing an Internet version of the clerks cartoon with some sort of 
streaming media format?

Smith: The cartoon as it exists now is a little too pricey to do solely for the internet But maybe a far 
cheaper, far less well done version.  If the money's green, I can be counted on to sell my kid on the 'net.  
And I say that as a loving parent.

Question: Can you PLEASE release the behind the scenes/deleted scenes of "Dogma" on VHS for us sorry 
suckers who don't have DVD players? Pleeeaase we'll buy it!

Smith: I have zero control over that.  That's up to Columbia Tristar Home Video. Badger them, and maybe 
we'll see it. Or for the love of God, join the rest of us in what's nearly the twenty-first century and buy a 
DVD player.

Question: Were the original actors from "Clerks" all willing and able to lend their voices to the new 
animated series, or was it a fight to preserve the original lineup?

Smith: It took some convincing.  At first, the network brass wasn't convinced the guys would sound good 
enough for the network that brought you "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Parlor". Eventually, we won. I tell 
you - it's always a battle with me.  I don't know why. 

Question: Have you seen David Mack's run on "Daredevil" that's followed yours? Do you like the direction 
he's taken the book?

Smith: Yes, I've read Mack's stuff.  I do like it.  Granted, I'm more partial to my stuff, but that's because I'm 
a screaming egomaniac.

Question: Kevin, will we get the chance to hear Affleck do is bad Canadian accent in any of the six 
episodes?

Smith: He's was on deck to do it, but we never got him into the studio, as he was busy running around in 
the snow on "Reindeer Games".

Smith: But if you want to hear his bad Canadian accent, just call him. His number is Ahhhh!

Question: Kevin: if you got into a fight with Mr.T, would you beat him?  I have $10 on T.

Smith: 'T' would kick my ass - whether it was circa "Rocky 3" or circa health problems. He pities this fool, 
I just know it.

Question: I just finished reading the screenplay for "Dogma", ordered it from viewaskew.com (thanks for 
the autograph).  Why was the info about Bethany's pregnancy and abortion cut out of the film?  

Smith: It was a seven-minute scene that didn't seem to fit in the movie, once we started cutting.  Linda was 
great in it, though, and you can see it on the phat, super-duper edition "Dogma" DVD when it comes out in 
the fall.

Question: Kevin, I know this has nothing to do with the new series, but I am dying to know what is going 
on with the "Green Arrow" comic book, are you rewriting the story?

Smith: I'm finishing the first few scripts now.  I turned in my outline to DC a few months back, and they 
seemed to dig it.  The story is about Ollie and Speedy getting dumped by their girlfriend and heading to the 
mall.

Question: What's your most hated Batman movie?

Smith: I wasn't a "Batman and Robin" fan, though I must admit to a fondness for Joel Schumacher himself.  
He's a really good guy who just didn't get Batman. But man, is he great to dish with.  The guy's got the 
goods on everybody in Hollywood. He can butcher any franchise he wants, so long as he keeps giving me 
scoops on celeb off-and-on set antics, as far as I'm concerned.

Question: Will there be Veronica and Caitlin characters in the "Clerks" cartoon?

Smith: Caitlin sort of shows up in the second and sixth episode.  Lisa Spoonauer came back and voiced the 
part.

Question: Kevin, you are a Doctor? Snoogans!!!!

Smith: My friend, please - get a damn life. But yes - I am a Doctor. Doctor Smith. Insert "Oh dear!" joke 
here.

Question: I was visiting your site a few weeks ago and I noticed you mentioned closing the site or 
something. Why stop a good thing?

Smith: I'll never close the site.  It's my legs I said I would close.  As they're usually akimbo, I find myself 
constantly getting f*cked. Sorry - AOL warned me to "Watch my mouth."

Question: Who did the character designs for the animated series?

Smith: There was a team of talented mo-fos, led by the brilliant Chris Bailey - the man who made the only 
good Mickey Mouse short ("Runaway Brain").  I owe those guys my life, because they gave me thin calves 
- something I haven't had since the womb. The character, I mean.

Question: Come on, we all need some info on your next flick, something we don't already know?

Smith: It will be shot on film, with a cast of actors, and audible sound. We hope.

Question: Hey Kevin...heard you on the Stern show this morning. It was funny. Are you looking forward to 
the X-Men movie?

Smith: I can't wait to see that (expletive-deleted) movie. AOL police.  Sorry. I've gotta say - the trailers 
have been good.

Question: Can you give us any statements of what tonight's show is about?

Smith: Well, after I watch the show, I'm hoping to pork my wife. Sorry - you wanted to know what the 
show was about. The show's pretty funny. Though not nearly as funny as I look porking my wife. You can 
watch the show, though. You can't watch me porking my wife. Porking.  Tee-hee...

Question: Did you do the cartoon for ABC in exchange for never airing their cut of "Mallrats" again?

Smith: I want them to run their cut of "'Rats" again.  It's funnier than our version. The guy who dubbed 
Mewes is so far from Mewes, it's hysterical.

Question: How do you juggle family life, running ViewAskew, Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash, AND 
still write all the movies and shows?

Smith: Coke.  Lots of coke.

Question: Is Walt anyway connected with the drawings for the show?  Since he did the viewaskew clown in 
"Clerks".

Smith: Nope.  Wish he was, but he's not.

Question: What's your favorite beer?

Smith: I don't really drink.  I don't really do drugs either (he said, lighting his sixth hash ball of the 
evening). Really, though - I don't do either. I eat instead. Quite a bit, usually. Some say too much. Then I 
say "Lay off.  I'm eating." Then the walk away, shaking their heads, muttering something about heart 
attacks by the time I'm thirty. And I say "What did you say?!" And they say "Nothing, nothing!" And then I 
go back to eating, and not drinking or doing drugs.

Question: Kevin, did you see the final episode of degrassi? Do you think it was true to the series?

Smith: I think there was a natural progression there.  I was happy to see Joey and Caitlin finally get it on. 
But I thought a major character should've died. Like Joey Jeremiah' hat.

Question: Will Brian ever star in another film of yours as a "main" person?

Smith: Oh yes.

Question: Kevin, first of all let me say that I am an avid fan of all your works, and I was wondering, what's 
up with the platipi remark in "Dogma".  Haven't' those creatures suffered enough

Smith: Not nearly enough for my tastes. Their hell has yet to even begin.

Question: If you really fired Bry Johnson last night will Walt take his place?

Smith: I re-hired him this morning, as he's the only person who knows where all the bodies are buried, so to 
speak.

Question: Is the show supposed to be a continuation of the movie, like the next day or week?  Something 
like that?

Smith: Not at all.  It's something completely different.

Question: Was George Carlin your first choice for Cardinal Glick in Dogma? He was excellent.

Smith: Oh yes.  I've always been a big Carlin fan.  There was a time when his manager turned us down, and 
I wanted Howard Stern or Bill Murray to do it, though. At the end of the day, we finally got Carlin to say 
"Yes."

Question: How's Baby Smith coming along?

Smith: Walking sort of.  Starting to speak gibberish like her old man. I'm currently teaching her to smoke. 
We're quite proud of her smoke rings.

Question: Would you like to maybe write an autobiography about yourself?

Smith: My life is far too boring for an autobiography. A biography, maybe; but not an autobiography.

Question: Are you typing these answers yourself or are you having a servant do it for you because you're 
too important now?

Smith: Are you kidding me?  My fingers are damn near bleeding from how hard I'm pounding these keys.

Question: What's up with the cheesecake picture in "EW 100"?

Smith: I begged them to let me do it nude, but they declined.  Something about circulation being too 
important to them.

Question: Was it easy to coerce the original cast to reprise their roles, or did you have to force them 
through extensive threats and strategically placed internal organs?

Smith: The latter. Mewes broke first. That guy cannot take spleen torture in the least. Wuss.

Question: So how small is it?  Just kidding. . .

Smith: Dad?

TV Guide Online: Thanks for chatting with us tonight, Kevin.

Smith: Thanks "TV Guide" (but you better fire that hack critic the mag employs). And thank you guys and 
gals for showing up. Now go watch the show, and buy every product advertised during the half-hour. And 
then light up the ABC switchboard with your praise for the show. Please. It may not help, but it'll be a nice 
'f' you to the network.

TV Guide Online: For more info on Kevin check out www.viewaskew.com

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