Hey folks, Harry here… Nothing I can say or write could possibly convey the awesome fucking exchange between Kevin Smith and CripBoy. You see… Last night here in Austin, Kevin Smith was in town to do what Kevin Smith does in Austin. Premiere a film of his and then geek with the audience for a few hours afterwards. Now – I’ve already reviewed CLERKS 2 – having seen it about 3-4 weeks ago, but I should add that seeing it with a sold out crowd of frothing at the mouth Askewers is about movie theater heaven – except… you’ll miss about 45% of the dialogue due to riotus laughter.

Anyways… I’m not here to talk CLERKS 2 – but to talk about an epic battle between Kevin Smith and CripBoy. The Q&A started pretty much as expected – an abnormally towering geek standing up to extract from Kevin, his opinion upon SUPERMAN RETURNS. In a nutshell – Kevin preferred X-MEN 3. And – as punishment for that insanity – delivered upon Kevin Smith was… CripBoy.

First off… “CripBoy” is a hilarious local eccentric that audiences familiar with the Alamo Drafthouse may remember from the President Clinton ambush that he pulled to try and extract from President Clinton a “Please don’t Talk During The Movies” executive order. If you’ve seen this Drafthouse Spot – then you’ve laughed pretty darn hard. His handicap seems to be something akin to Muscular Dystrophy, thus making it difficult… well to do much of anything. However, “CripBoy” as Kevin annointed him would not be stopped!

Kevin finishes up talking about geeking out in a tux at the Cannes premiere of X3, and then notices this nice man in the electric wheelchair at stage left trying to get Kevin’s attention so he could ask a question. He looks at him to acknowledge that he wanted to hear his question…. and so he did…

“What the fuck was all that CRIP BOY bullshit at the beginning?”

It was… Kevin had this look on his face – as the tears raced down his cheeks… He grabbed his face and nearly fell to his knees laughing. In fact – he turned away from his questioneer – to try and compose himself. This was one of those zingers that he just, for the life of him, didn’t see coming. In fact – Kevin stated that “I didn’t see that coming. It’s not like I walked over thinking, “Oh Fuck, Crip Boy!”

Well – “Crip Boy” wasn’t through – he had a real question for Kevin – but it had about 8 minutes of story leading up to it. You see – “Crip Boy” when he was younger – loved Kevin’s second film, MALLRATS. He recounted the nightmare that was the release and the years upon years it took to finally be accepted – much to Kevin’s chagrin… and he said that he remembered that when he first saw MALLRATS all those years ago… he had one question and one question only that he’d ask Kevin Smith – if ever they were to speak.

At this point – Kevin laid down on his belly right in front of “Crip Boy” placing the microphone between the two as this photograph from Gary Miller shows…

Kevin states, “Now you’ve really built up this question, this had better be one fucking genius of a question.”

“Crip Boy” continues – letting Kevin know that it’s probably not a genius question, but he has to ask it… that he must know the answer.

“Kevin, you’re the writer & director of MALLRATS – You have Claire Forlani in your film, and you couldn’t be bothered to write one scene where she takes her shirt off?”

Again – Kevin is paralyzed with laughter. Literally rolling on the stage to get back to his feet. The whole time – trying desperately to compose himself. “He’s got a point. He’s right.”

The exchange continued – Kevin said he wanted to hire Crip Boy to take on tour with him. Said that he’s right on the same level of brilliant existence as Mewes. “Crip Boy” seizing the opportunity made a play to be in CLERKS 3, which Kevin quickly subtitled, “REVENGE OF CRIP BOY” – and “Crip Boy” responds, “We’re BACK & We’re PISSED!”

I’m sure I missed big chunks of the conversation – due to the laughter of the theater and my own trying to compose myself. It was – genius. It is just something – I had to share…