…Still, I have always, and will always, love that show. And I’m not bitching about the ending (though, if I had any hardcore complaint it was that there was no shout-out to the ducks that kicked off this nearly decade-long love affair) because they provided one really beautiful moment that I feel summed up the entire series quite nicely: Tony visiting Uncle Junior.

“You and my Dad,” Tony said. “You two ran North Jersey.”
“We did?”
“Yeah.”
“Hm.” Beat. “That’s nice.”

I thought that brief exchange really captured the futility of not just This Thing of Ours, but ambition and accomplisment in general: you struggle and toil and put shit together from scratch, and it all seems so epic and important in the moment, and you make sacrifices, and there are casualties along the way… and ultimately, if you’re lucky, you wind up in a wheelchair, unable to remember most of what you’ve done.

SModcast 15: The Pretty-Good Worker

In which things go back to normal and our heroes discuss the passing of a bear-like legend, ruminate on the emotional and physical perils of pet ownership, confess to being cat people, fret over Weiners hunting weiners, become the Jolie of dog adoption, and incur the wrath of all right-thinking and decent people by spending nearly an hour trying to figure out whether Helen Keller was truly impaired or just party to an elaborate ruse.

CG: I was wondering the status of this project as well. Did “Shaun Of The DEAD” kill it (pardon the pun)?

BL: Nope, EVERYBODY’S DEAD will see the light of day. But probably not as a movie at first. I think by this time next year we can all talk about EVERYBODY’S DEAD at length, for it will be thrust out into the world like a crying, angry baby. But, again, not as a movie at first.

CG: You think the Henson Company will put your script out as a comic some day?

Just out of curiosity, what was the plot of your script (ala…Muppets Take Manhattan, Muppets In Space, etc…)? Any hints??

BL: MASSIVE SPOILERS FOLLOW!

The name of it was THE NEXT MUPPET MOVIE, and it was the same universe as THE MUPPET MOVIE, only years and years later, and the Muppets were hugely successful and some were getting kind of spoiled. Kermit’s trying to keep them together and he’s stressing out.

Anyway, an evil Hollywood agent signs the Muppets and starts putting them in solo movies and TV shows (Gonzo is the next James Bond and the next Batman, the Electric Mayhem goes Marilyn Manson-y after Animal starts a solo rap career, that kinda thing).

Kermit has to pull together a makeshift band of Muppets (Robin, Rizzo, Pepe, Bean Bunny, Digit from THE JIM HENSON HOUR, etc.) to re-start the Muppet show.

Eventually Kermit figures out the Agent had an ulterior motive in breaking up the Muppets, goes to confront the Agent, gets kidnapped, and the original Muppets have to work with the newbies to save him. The ending involves a lot of Ninjas, a giant Elephant, a seven foot Kermit, and Gonzo saving the day by crashing through the skylight in his Batman gear.

The Agent runs away, the Muppets all come back together, everyone is happy…

…but at the very end, we see the Agent gets dropped off by a taxi, fully ready to try to break up a new group. As he walks away, we pan out and reveal he’s on Sesame Street.

Cameos were from Pierce Brosnan, John Cleese, Mary Tyler Moore, Marilyn Manson, all the Sesame Street Characters, Mr. Rogers, the Teletubbies…it was epic.

I talked to Michael Keaton once who had read the script and wanted to meet me because of it. I asked him to play the agent if it ever got made, and he said that would be cool. I’m very sorry it didn’t get made.

That’s the most I’ve ever spoiled about it. It was like a purging.

“…I’ve been flirting with doing something about porn for a decade now. First there was the Jason Lee porn show (”Hiatus”) that Carsey-Werner felt no network would touch, then there was “Name”. Now, ten years later, it’s “Zack and Miri”.”

“…Granted, I’m biased because I wrote it; but I really dig this script. It’s funny, bawdy, sexy, dirty, titillating (emphasis on the tit) and dripping with heart. If you were gonna do that movie-description thing, I’d say it’s like Chasing Amy meets Clerks II, with a dash each of Boogie Nights and Bowfinger tossed in.”

…

“…Chasing Amy – the flick we get the most credit for – was pretty much the same-old, same-old boy meets girl, boy loses girl story with a bit of a different spin. Were I really sweating the fact that that story had been done to death before, I wouldn’t have bothered with Amy – and I’d be all the poorer for it (both figuratively and literally). After centuries of story-telling, there’s always bound to be some familiarity/similarity in books/shows/movies; it’s how each author handles the material that makes all the difference. Just because we’ve seen For Keeps, She’s Having a Baby, and Nine Months doesn’t mean we don’t want to see Knocked Up.

Regardless, I know I’m in for a few months of “That movie sounds like…”, but I’m not sweating it; I’ve read my script (even wrote it) and while it’s preoccupied with dirty movies, I know what it’s really about.

And about a year from now, you will too.”

After six little words, Harvey Weinstein is sold

By Jay A. Fernandez
Special to The Times

It’s rarely a good idea to greenlight a movie off of a title alone (unless it includes the words “Pirates” and “Caribbean”). That’s like falling in love with a MySpace photo.

But when Harvey Weinstein pulled the trigger on the latest raunchy comedy idea from “Dogma” and “Clerks II” writer-director Kevin Smith after Smith had written only six words of it, Weinstein’s $15 million looked like a pretty good bet.

The title? “Zack and Miri Make a Porno.”

For a certain stripe of moviegoer, that’s a sure thing.

“A bawdy sex comedy with heart,” as Smith describes the just-completed script, “Zack and Miri” is about two friends who have managed to trudge into their 30s with a satisfying lack of accomplishment. But a 15-year high school reunion and dire rent problems spark the novel moneymaking idea of pulling together an amateur porn enterprise. As for where it goes from there, just think of Smith’s characteristic sexual verbosity finally coupled with matching imagery.

“It’s … dirty, with nudity,” says Smith. “But funny nudity, not gratuitous nudity.” Well, leave it to Smith to choose a plotline that kneecaps the issue entirely. (The civilians-making-a-blue-movie conceit also drove the narrative of writer-director Michael Traeger’s “The Amateurs,” which played festivals last year.) Because the story unfolds during a snowy Minnesota winter, Smith plans to film “Zack and Miri” there in February (although, Smith jokes, global warming may force him to shoot at one of the poles).

In the intervening months, Smith is publishing a book of reprinted blog entries from SilentBobSpeaks.com called “My Boring Ass Life.” And he hopes to squeeze in filming of his low-budget ($3 million) horror script, “Red State,” by the end of the year. Smith is aiming to give the politically charged screenplay, about outsiders who stumble into “fundamentalism gone to the extreme” in Middle America, a naturalistic, drive-in feel.

“Horror is more than a dude with a chain saw,” says Smith, who engaged the Christian right promotional machine for the release of “Dogma.” Given his rabid fan base, Smith is keeping the screenplay on lockdown at his Hollywood Hills home, so agents, actors and executives have needed a personal invitation to see it. Rosario Dawson, a “Clerks II” star, is supposed to give it a read this week.

After her vampy turns in “Sin City” and “Grindhouse,” it sounds like a perfect trilogy.

…But scrape away all the corporate jizz, trademarked bullshit, and industry-cornholing, and I can still find a silver lining: you guys cared enough to vote for me and the boy (multiple times, even). And that’s very cool. So I’d like to take the time here (the time they didn’t give us during the “commercial”) to thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. Even though it’s a dopey award, I appreciate your effort and enthusiasm. Awards are nice (even this award), but it’s you folks – the audience who supports our stuff – that make me dick-sneeze in my Y-fronts, without even touching myself or rubbing my erection up against something like a mattress or the shower wall. It may be a tired cliche’ that’s lost much of its original depth and meaning based on constant overuse, but You Guys Rock.

SModcast 14: On Guard For Thee

In which our heroes cross the border with a guest from the True North, analyze the “Loose Change” of UFOs, posit that even unidentified species worship the Devils, lament the loss of Bigfoot, question Nessie’s diet, theorize how the Republicans can take the White House for the next one hundred terms, and reveal Canada’s greatest shame.

AN INTERVIEW WITH PAUL DINI

BY CHRIS GRAVES

CHRIS GRAVES: For those who do not know, what is your background and how were you introduced to the world of View Askew and Kevin Smith?

PAUL DINI: It was October 1994. I was eating breakfast at LA’s Farmer’s Market and paging through the LA Reader when I read a good review of a flick that just opened called CLERKS. I had heard the film did very well earlier in the year at Sundance and that its director, Kevin Smith, was somewhat of a geek. I had planned to buy cds that day at the local Virgin Megastore which happened to be attached to the theatre where CLERKS was showing. I went, saw the picture and laughed my ass off. About four years later I met Kevin through my friend, SEINFELD and CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM writer David Mandel. It turned out we had a lot of admiration for each other’s work and we’ve been friends ever since.

CG: I’m from Massachusetts and I know you went to both Harvard and Emerson College in Boston. What was it about Emerson that attracted you to the school and what did you major in? How was the Boston experience like for you?

PD: I love Boston. My dad’s entire family is from there so I feel very close ties to the city. I majored creative writing at Emerson but did a little of everything — acting, radio production, animation, and took drawing classes through Boston’s Museum School. I had to take a science at Emerson and wanted zoology, but they didn’t have a class in that. So I audited some zoology classes at Harvard and haunted their museum of Comparative Zoology for about a year.

CG: You started out as a writer on such classic cartoons as FAT ALBERT, HE-MAN, EWOKS, DROIDS, G.I. JOE and the TRANSFORMERS. As a writer, what was appealing to you about animation? How was it like working with the likes of Bill Cosby and George Lucas? Did you like working for Filmation?

PD: If you grow up loving cartoons, I think there is always a part of you that is intrigued with the idea of making them. So for me, coming just out of college and into the trenches of Saturday Morning TV production was a good way to get one’s feet wet in the business. Besides, back in the early 80’s lots of guys who later went onto have notable careers in animation were jobbing around from studio to studio so you met everyone and that was a good way to form friendships and make connections. Filmation was valuable for that reason alone although the cartoons themselves might not have been so memorable. As for Bill Cosby, he’d cruise in once a season for a couple days to record the voices and film the live action segments and then he’d be gone for another year. The writers might glimpse him in the recording booth, but it wasn’t like he’d sit in on any story conferences. George Lucas was much more hands on, especially in the early brainstorming on EWOKS and DROIDS. Plus we were working right there at Skywalker Ranch, so he’d be on site every day if we needed to show him a rough cut or get his input on anything.

CG: In 1989 you were hired at Warner Bros. Animation to work on TINY TOON ADVENTURES. How did you get that opportunity and what was it like working for Steven Spielberg?

PD: A writer I had known in LA, Tom Ruegger, was hired to take the creative lead at Warners on TINY TOON ADVENTURES. We were friends and had a good working relationship, so he hired me to come on board. Early on there was a fair amount of pressure as we all wanted to get the show right, but I quickly learned Steven has a deep love for cartoons as well as an encyclopedic knowledge of them. We all spoke the same language so the show got much easier to do the longer we worked together.

CG: BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES brought Batman back to television in top form. It would also mark the beginning of a long association between yourself and the character. Was this a dream project for you? And do you have a favorite episode?

PD: My favorite episode is probably “Heart of Ice.” There were other episodes that we did that might have had better action sequences or better acting or funnier bits, but that first Mr. Freeze story was the one that told me Batman would work as a drama and it really set the tone for the rest of the episodes I’d write.

CG: Besides animation, you’re also known for your work in comic books, including your own creation, JINGLE BELLE. In 2006, you became the head writer for DETECTIVE COMICS, the very title responsible for premiering Batman in 1939. This must’ve been a crowning achievement of sorts for you? Were you always a fan of comics? DC Comics has had the opportunity to work with you time and time again, but has Marvel Comics ever approached you to take on one of their characters?

PD: I was always into comics, whether they were funny animals like Uncle Scrooge or Pogo, or more traditional superhero fare like Batman or Fantastic Four. We subscribed to three newspapers when I was growing up, so I read every comic strip, and I would devour every book on the comic book rack in our neighborhood drug store, though back then I was more the kid who read everything and bought next to nothing, much to the ire of our local druggist. It was a great joy for me to return to that drug store many years later and buy the first issue I wrote of “THE BATMAN AND ROBIN ADVENTURES” off that same stand. I think that after all that time the druggist was just happy I was buying ANYTHING.

CG: Shortly after the release of BATMAN AND ROBIN in 1997, there was talk of using your character Harley Quinn from BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES, as a possible villain for the next film. Is it true that you once pitched Warner Bros. an idea for the fifth live action Batman movie, prior to the development of BATMAN BEGINS? Do you think Kevin Smith would make a good candidate for writing and directing a Dark Knight feature?

PD: Warners initially approached Boaz Yakin about writing and directing a BATMAN BEYOND feature and he very graciously asked Alan Burnett and myself to join him on the project. Beyond never made it farther than a first draft script, then Boaz left the project to do another film. This left the project with Alan and myself. The studio asked us if we wanted to continue with BATMAN BEYOND (which was kind of losing steam at that point) or if we wanted to take a stab at developing another regular Batman film. We shot around all sorts of idea with them, including a Ra’s Al Ghul story and a Batman VS Superman take, but ultimately they decided to just pay us for the work we had done and put Batman back into the cave for another five years. Would I like to see Kevin take a shot at a Batman flick? Sure. I thought his Superman draft was pretty good, though by his own admission, he claims to be more of a Batman guy. I’d love to read Kevin’s take on Gotham City.

CG: In 2000, CLERKS: THE ANIMATED SERIES aired twice on ABC before being canceled What was your initial reaction to this and what did you think of the final product in general? Did you write any plot lines or material for future episodes?

PD: I thought the show initially was great and if it had been given a chance to flourish, it would have just gotten better and better. The designs worked nicely for TV animation and the writing was very funny. It was a real crime that ABC/Disney gave it only those two airings (in the middle of summer, no less) and then yanked it. If the show had continued, it’s possible I might have contributed more to it, it’s hard to say as everything was wrapped up so quickly. I know that every now and then Kevin talks about doing new animated versions of the characters, maybe as a direct to DVD feature. I hope he gets around to it because I would like to see those characters again.

CG: Have you ever thought about directing a film based on your material?

PD: JINGLE BELLE has been through the development wringer with other people and thus far nothing has happened. Now that I have the rights back, I’m thinking the only way to get it done is to do it myself. We’ll see what happens.

CG: I’ve read that some of your hobbies include being an amateur magician and enjoying Cryptozoology. If these things are true, could you elaborate on them, because I’m very intrigued by these subjects?

PD: My wife Misty Lee is the expert on magic, and for any elaboration on that theme, I can direct you to her website, www.mistylee.com. Cryptozoology, the study of hidden animals or those not yet recognized by science, has been a lifelong interest of mine. A lot of our planet is still unexplored and while the reality of going into a jungle and bringing back a living dinosaur is pretty remote, I think there are still plenty of mammals, birds and insects waiting to be discovered. I’ve been around the world twice and every time I’m in a remote area I try to spend as much time as I can photographing the native wildlife and talking to locals about any lesser-known creatures that might live nearby. Pretty much every culture has their share of monster and bogeyman stories, but every now and then I’ve heard accounts or seen evidence that points to creatures unknown to science or animals once thought to be extinct that have reestablished themselves. That’s very exciting to me.

CG: Can you tell me about MONKEY TALK, which can be seen at www.quickstopentertainment.com?

PD: MONKEY TALK is a series of short interview pieces I do with Misty and whatever good-natured guests we can get to sit in the hot seat. It was envisioned as a program where I would interview interesting people in movies, animation, comics and TV, only to have the proceedings interrupted by our incorrigible sock monkey “son” Rashy. Rashy has proven so popular that we’re now filming a series of his own short adventures. Those will be showing up online as well as in other venues very soon.

CG: What is your favorite View Askew / Kevin Smith film?

PD: Gotta give the prize to CHASING AMY. It’s a really nice mix of laughs and tears and has some terrific performances by Ben (Affleck), Jason (Lee) and Joey (Adams). It also doesn’t go the predictable route and have Holden and Alyssa run to each others arms at the end. Just because a flick has a bittersweet ending doesn’t make it any less of a romance.

CG: And finally, what was your reaction like when you found out Kevin and his wife Jen named their daughter after your character, Harley Quinn?

PD: I thought it was sweet. A little different, but very touching.