FRIDAY

11:20 AM – Brett rolls into the place and we’re ready to go, already ahead of schedule. Since we didn’t plan on having our burgers until after 12, we have an opening day beer, then sit down for a few quick rounds of Guitar Hero II. No money spent as the beer’s on tap and long been paid for. 12:00 PM – The best burgers in the world, or close it, have to be the “Jackson Burgers” at the Jackson House, located in the business district of downtown Harrisburg. By some miracle I’m able to parallel park the Durango on the street in the last open spot. We notice a ton of people out heading towards the burger joint due to the nice weather and the Friday lunch hour. Fortunately, we make it inside just in time to beat a larger line and easily find a table. The wait for burgers, which can sometimes run up to 30 minutes during a busy rush, takes only around 10-15. Consuming our burgers, fries and cokes takes even less time. Total cost, $10 per guy. 1:00 PM – The weather’s just too nice to be in this SUV today, so we take a minor side trip back home to college the Solstice convertible before heading to the Coliseum in Camp Hill. We’re happy to notice a fairly empty parking lot. It’s a work day and a school day after all, so we’d hoped for this. The downstairs of the place is totally dead, so we’re quickly served our beers. The decision isn’t hard, when we notice their new policy of $2 Magic Hat drafts, all day, every day. A fantastic deal. Since the downstairs is empty, we’ve got the run of the place. Derby Owner’s Club is the game we’re here to play and all 4 seats are wide open. We’ve played before, and have tons of horse cards left over from previous races. We decide to bring some old horses out of retirement to see if any are worth keeping around. In doing so, we note that the top area of the game is loaded with discarded horse cards from other players, which we affectively then call the “dead horse pile”. Several horses of ours will end up there, including two new horses I breed today which just can’t get out of last place. Brett’s having great luck with his new horse, so figuring it’s my fault, I let Brett race my horse. He also brings him in last, and declares it’s like trying to run a pile of rocks up the track. Brett continues his day brutally making his horse run hills for each and every training session before his horse runs away in disgust. Horse racing can get a bit repetitive, so we break up the session with 2 games of air hockey. I believe I’m undefeated against Brett at this location, and it doesn’t change today, despite Brett blowing what I think was a 4 goal lead at some point. We also take a few punches at some silly punching bag game, which is probably a waste of credits. But hey, punching stuff is fun. And we’ve got plenty of credits.We finish up the day with a couple of great races — My new horse (the 3rd of the day), Michelob Ultra, is running competitively with Brett’s star horse even though he’s 4 races to his junior. These horses are going into the stables, not into the dead horse pile. Brett’s final race becomes his horse’s first grade one victory, not a bad way to close it out.

Total cost for us here, $60 each, with a mere $10 of that going for beer and tip. The other $50, which we used to buy a shared $100 game card simply for all the bonus credits, will likely carry us for many future racing sessions.

3:35 PM – 4 beers later for each of us, it’s time to head back into daylight (and Friday afternoon rush traffic). The convertible’s not coming into the city with us, so it’s once again a side trip home to switch back to the SUV. It also gives us the chance to load up a small cooler with Powerade, which we’ll keep with us for the rest of the evening. We also pick up my girlfriend Misty, who will be joining us for the rest of today’s activities.

4:00 PM – One of the quickest stops of the day, but essential, is for a view of the Susquehanna River via Duke’s, home of the famous Mango Bangos, adored by Brett, as you can see in the photo. I question Brett on the extra $1 shot of liquor on top, but we quickly realize it’s a wussy drink otherwise, so on top it goes. Brett gets some sort of watermelon flavor, I stick with orange. After a few sips at the bar, we decide to head out to some empty stools along the river, which doesn’t look that clean today. No people or boats out there, either, despite the extremely warm October weather. Total cost at Duke’s, $10 each. 4:30 PM – Halfway to our next destination, now completely stuck in rush hour traffic due to a bridge closing for construction, I realize I haven’t snagged the gift certificate we’d need to use for dinner later tonight. Misty’s able to suggest a quick route home, which at least gets us moving from the traffic deadlock that’s come up in Lemoyne. After a literally 30 second stop at the house, we’re back on the road, taking a new route into town to avoid the mess we’d been stuck in earlier.5:15 PM – Arriving at ABC a bit later than expected, we find the bar packed and not a seat around, likely due to their 5-7 PM happy hour. After some convincing with the front desk staff that we are worth giving a table to, despite our non-dinner plans, we’re seated downstairs. We order a set of their famous soft pretzels as a consolation for not ordering dinner, and are given the famous hot Dijon mustard AND a bonus, a cheese soup to try as a dip as well. Then, of course, there’s the samplers — Those massive, drunk-inducing beauties that consist of 8 beers of varied alcohol content.

We proceed to take turns choosing which flavor to go with, and stick with it, drink for drink. Brett chugs most of his in a single gulp. As we’re told that the pool room upstairs will be closed for the evening, due to a private event (seems to happen too often at ABC), we take our time and relax with the samplers to make up for the new found time. Total cost, $25 for me and $15 for Brett. 7:00 PM – Time to head to the famous 2nd street downtown bar district, where we’ll spend the rest of this evening until we can’t do it anymore. Not wanting to miss out on the sports aspect of the day, we alter the original plan slightly, sandwiching in an hour of pool at The Quarter. How this place stays in business, I have no idea, as the 2nd floor pool hall is TOTALLY empty except for the three of us and a bartender. During the entire hour, not a single person comes up to drink OR play pool. We have the place to ourselves, and manage to work in quite a few games of cutthroat and 8-ball. For the first time, the day’s activities have started to slow us up a bit, so we opt to keep this stop alcohol-free, the first such stop of the day. Total cost, $10 total, for $5 per guy. 8:00 PM – It simply would not be a night of drinking downtown without a stop at Kokomo’s, home of the best wings around and the cheap pitcher. I’ve managed to snag a $50 gift certificate for around $30 so I’ll be picking up the tab for the 3 of us. We end up ordering 3 pitchers of beer, wings for Brett and I, loaded fries for Misty. It’s rough getting through all this food after a stomach full of burger, beer, and pretzels, so we all do the best that we can with it. There’s hockey and baseball on the numerous TVs around the place, so Brett is content.Towards the end of dinner, a friend of Misty’s shows up, and along with him, another guy whose name escapes me at the moment — He catches a glimpse of my iPhone and ends up talking my ear off about the thing for what seemed like a big chunk of time. It gave us all time to finish up the beer, which was warming up as our drinking speed was considerably slowing down at this point. Total cost, $30 for me, $10 for Brett (tip).

9:15 PM – After walking the full distance of 2nd street’s bar district, both the food and alcohol have settled in — Things start to get fuzzier at this point and for the first time, the day’s fatigue has started to set in after over 9 hours of non-stop eating and drinking. Molly Brannigans, the Irish pub at the end of the district, is our first stop, with the plan in place to work our way back up to the car, bar-by-bar.

The inside of Molly’s is quite dead, as it seems that most folks don’t bother heading to any of the bars until after 10 PM (never understood that, really, but it seems to be the rule). We belly up to the bar in a dark corner where Brett can see the end of the baseball game, which has turned into quite a contest. Already stuffed with wings, we both order two of the heavier beers, as our judgment has now gone out the window — A Boddington’s for Brett and a half and half for myself. The beer’s cold, but it’s going down slow. Very slow. Brett scribbles a note on his pad – “9:15 – Wrecked”. Total cost for Brett, $13.9:50 PM – Literally joined to Molly’s the outer corner is known as Bourbon Street Station, at least this week as it seems to change name and theme quite frequently. There’s a small crowd in the cramped bar area, but a few open tables across from the stairway inside this small place. It’s not a usual stop for us when we’re here, but rules are rules. Not only that, but we’re greeted with yet another “Magic Hat, $2 a day, every day” sign which makes our decision simple. This winds up being our final stop of the evening, probably a good thing as we’d have been risking lives and driver’s licenses attempting to drive home after more rounds. Brett scribbles another note: “10:02 PM – Annihilated”. Total cost for Brad, $10 with tip.

11:00 PM – Back at the house now, we take some shots at the dartboard for a while to wind up the evening. The darts, unfortunately, aren’t going too well, especially for Brett, whose first couple of shots aren’t even close to the board. I’m not doing much better, but Brett is so terrible it’s tough to lose. After an hour, he ends the night without winning a single match.

12:00 AM – With both our darts only 50% even hitting the board, and the beers going down slower than ever, we decide it’s time to finally pack it in. End of day one.

Day one approximate costs: Brad – $150. Brett – $123.

SATURDAY

11:00 AM – The morning kicks off in a bloody way as I somehow manage to nip a spot of my ear while shaving. It doesn’t hurt but the sucker won’t stop dripping blood, and a regular band-aid’s not going to do the trick. After spending almost an hour putting pressure on the thing, we seek out some liquid bandages at the local Giant and finally get the mess under control. Total cost: $5 for Brad, liquid band-aids.

12:00 PM – Lunch today is at the fabulous downtown Sandwich Man, arguably the best sub sandwiches in all the land. After a small incident with a homeless dude cutting the line to buy a 12-pack and causing a fight with the cashier, our orders are in and the food’s delivered in lightning speed — An Italian for me and Brett’s beloved Super Combo. Just looking at those sandwiches makes me hungry. Total cost: $10 for Brad, $13 for Brett.12:30 PM – Time to get active. It’s off to the driving range. Once again, the clouds and fog have started to break for us, along with it, some unexpected October humidity here in Central PA. However, the clear day makes for an easy drive, which is good, considering we’re going to be quite aggressive with the timing today, especially for the afternoon.

On the way over, we notice a massive traffic backup on Route 83, the exact direction we plan to head back after we hit some golf balls. I’m forced to run through some other driving scenarios in my head in the hopes of avoiding the traffic. The extra distance will cost us some time, so we start making plans to speed the driving range along and keep our appointment at the Troeg’s brewery tour.

1:00 PM – Realizing that our next event is just an hour away and we haven’t even hit a ball yet, we decide to buy a jumbo bucket and split it in half. The range isn’t crowded, and Brett notes that the upper deck is totally empty. It’s never crowded up there, and gives us the run of the level, so after filling the bucket, up we go.The sun’s starting to come out now, and we actually manage to break a sweat as we chop away at the turf. I have what may possibly be my worse showing at a range (and I’ve driven balls drunk before). Brett does much better, but not up to his self-imposed standards. At once point, a bunch of deer run through the far end of the range, though safely out of ball distance. Brett never manages to hit the target he’s aiming for the entire time, and I barely manage to hit the ball much of a distance at all. Still, it’s a good way to wake up and start the day, but now, we’re really thirsty.

1:30 PM – Wow, we haven’t even had a beer yet today. Note to self – Fix that for next time. Driving range costs: $5 each.

1:45 PM – By some miracle driving, I weave us through some back roads and into the easy to miss Troegs Brewery parking lot. We’re shocked to find the place FULL of cars, as we figured we may be the only folks on the tour. Brett starts to wonder if we’re in the right place, or stumbled into a private event of some sort. Oasis is on the radio, so we chill for a few minutes, watching more and more cars (and people) piling into the place. Fearing we’re late or just missing out on something, we lock it up and head into the joint. 1:50 PM – We should have gotten here SOONER! The Troegs lobby is an amazingly cool place. Walking in, we’re in a mass of what has to be at least 40 people, all here for the tour, but all also enjoy free samples of all their beers, from a nifty little bar setup. They’re giving out beerfest sized tasting glasses and they’ve got all their beers on tap, including a special “scratch beer” which goes back to the original days of their home brewing. There’s also a gift shop full of Troegs stuff you can browse as you enjoy your free beer. We manage to gulp down 3 different free beers as we wait, realizing the next time we do this, we’ll show up even earlier so we can hopefully try them all. Our own Troegs sampler!2:00 PM – The tour begins. We realize that they’re actually letting anyone who wants to take the tour come in, but also, there’s an option to just stay in the bar area and KEEP DRINKING FREE BEER. No WONDER this place is so packed. Still, most folks (us included) proceed into the brew-works to take the tour, where we’re surprised to find a neatly run operation, and a great speaker in our guide, one of the 2 Troegs brothers who own the place. We learn a ton more about beer than we expected, and decide that this might be the coolest event of the weekend so far. When one attendee asks Mr. Troeg if he prefers bottles or cans, his response is “Cans are great for soup.”

2:30 PM – The tour’s over, but since we couldn’t drink any beer as we walked — Luckily, they’re continuing to serve samples seemingly as long as we want to stand there. A lot of people are still hanging out drinking, but we’ve got a schedule. So, it’s one more quick sample of their Wheat beer, during which Brett rummages through their classic “work shirts” attempting to find one that suits.2:45 PM – With many folks still lingering about in the lobby enjoying the generously free Troeg’s samples and hospitality, we sadly leave to move on to our next destination, declaring Troeg’s a fantastic stop and the best surprise of the day. Cost: FREE!

3:00 PM – It’s a quick jump on the highway up to Carlisle PA, where our first stop is my former residence, and the sight of many a fun time back in the day – 111 Meals Drive. We take a photo of the old front door and realize just how run down the place has become. Some foliage has practically fully covered doors in the complex. Brett remarks that it looks like I got out of there just in time. On our way in, we see a fairly large airplane and have a helicopter land right next to us, as a small airstrip runs in line with the town homes. On the way into town, I notice that a busy intersection still doesn’t have a left turn advance arrow on the stoplight. “Hello Carlisle? Meet technology”, I remark, and Brett finds that amusing. 3:10 PM – Our favorite drinking spot in Carlisle during our tenure there was the Market Cross pub, voted best pub in the Harrisburg area several years running. The place is small and nothing much to look at, though it gets quite lively at night. At this hour, it’s quite dead, so we’re able to easily find a spot at the bar for the obligatory round. The Market Cross touts their beer selection, with quite a few on tap but hundreds of brands in bottle form from around the world. A guy at the bar sitting next to us shows us his Market Cross beer passport, which he’s working towards check marks and attempting to drink every single beer in the world that they offer in just one year. He’s almost done, too. That’s a lot of beer.Over the course of this stop, I also comment that as guys, we can sometimes hang out at a bar and not talk to each other for a half an hour — While that may be exaggerating a bit, Brett finds it amusing and adds it to his notes for the weekend.

3:45 PM – Market Cross turns out to be one of the fastest stops of the day. Total cost: $8 each.

4:00 PM – We’re in and out of Market Cross in no time, but suddenly caught in the biggest traffic jam of the day. Seems that Carlisle, known for its car shows, has a classic one going on that’s just letting out, and EVERYONE is going the same way as us, back towards the highway. Yikes. Luckily, I’ve got some experience with the back roads of town, so we wind through them and my memory serves me well – We arrive at the Carlisle Sports Emporium, poised for some indy car racing and laser tag.

4:20 PM – The Sports Emporium is much more packed than we expect, though the place is looking generally run down. Aside from a few new games and a rock climbing wall inside, it hasn’t changed much in the past 8 years. Brett remarks that if he had different shoes on, he’d be trying to climb the wall. We think better of it, though, and line up to buy tickets for the two attractions we’re here to try today.

There’s a crowd at the laser tag sign up desk, so we decide to head to the outdoor track, get in a race, then come back in the hopes of a smaller crowd inside. Outside, a race is just starting, so we’re at the front of the line for the next round. It gives us the chance to check out which cars are taking the turns the best, and which to avoid. In the end, we decide that we basically need to take 2 cars at the front of the pack anyway, and hop in when it’s our turn to race.

My car is way fast, giving me the chance to get out front really quick. In fact, my car is so fast that I’m not getting any competition and find myself driving alone for the first part of the race. I can see Brett getting into some tangles as I take the turns, so I decide to take a few cold stops on the track’s bridge to let Brett catch up for some battles. Racing turns out to be a really good time, as it’s been years since either of us has done it. The outdoor track in Carlisle has some fun hills and turns, though the cars could have gone a bit faster.After the race, we notice there’s still a crowd at the laser tag sign up desk inside. Not a good sign. When we get to the front, we realize that we’ve made a mistake — You turn your ticket in at the desk, then you’re given a time to come back for your battle. We should have remembered that. When the kid at the desk informs us that it will be at least a one hour wait until our turn, we decide we can’t afford to waste the time — Another lesson learned for next time — Sign up for tag first, race, then come back. And with that, our excursion into Carlisle comes to an end for the weekend. We’ll each have a laser tag ticket to use on our next Harrisburg tour, which I stow away in the glove box for safe keeping.

Total cost, with coupons used: $12 per guy.

5:00 PM – Rather than swing by the Mechanicsburg bars as we planned, due to lack of general interest, we instead decide we’ll take a break at the house, working in some horseshoes and some free home draft beers. With the weather being as sunny and perfect as it is, it’s the perfect time to set a speaker out back, tap into the keg again, and relax.

For around an hour and a half, until we lose daylight, we play a few games of horseshoes and the washer game. Unfortunately, Brett is unable to pick up a W at any game, allowing me to continue dominating most of the weekend competition. We enjoy around 3 or 4 beers each as we lesiurely hang out in the backyard, before we realize it’s time to get back out on the town and see what life we’ve got left in us. Cost: Free.

7:00 PM – The best burrito I’ve ever had is at a small chain called “Neato Burrito”. They’re closing up shop at 8 PM, so we head over to the closest location in Lemoyne for a sit-down and each attempt to eat the famous Cowboy Crunch burrito, which weighs in over 2 pounds and contains beans, chicken, tortilla chips, rice, sauce, lettuce, and cheese, all grilled up in a massive tortilla. Delicious, but incredibly filling. It takes us around a half an hour to shovel them in. Considering it’s our first food since noon, we thought it would go down easier, however, the constant flow of beer seems to have taken up more stomach real estate than we originally anticipated. The thing is fantastic, though. We chow down while being entertained by the odd group of employees and patrons that always seem to frequent the place.Belly Busting Burritos: $8 per guy.

8:00 PM – We’d originally intended for a run to Penn National Race Course tonight, followed by bowling. A few factors change our minds though. We learn that Penn National isn’t running horses on Saturdays, which isn’t a big deal considering the place will be lame until it re-opens as the new Hollywood Casino this Winter. So that’s skipped. As for rock and bowl, that’s not starting til 10:30, and we don’t think we have it in us. Brett comes up with the fantastic idea to hit the bar at Damon’s, where we can catch some baseball and play some NTN Trivia.While stuffing down the burritos, we determine that our NTN trivia team name will be “HATE”, because we think that’s funny. And it turns out – It really is. There’s nothing like seeing HATE up on the big screens. We’re lucky enough to get a couple prime seats along the corner edge of the bar, where we can take in some baseball on the flat screens, put away a few lagers, and, of course, take over the place in trivia.

There are about 15 active teams on the board as we come in, and we make note that the night’s theme seems to be mostly music, with a little television thrown in. I’m thrilled, Brett, not so much. A lot of the music questions in the first game we enter partially through are about earlier music, so we don’t fare so well. However, we find our stride in game two, and HATE starts to reign supreme. After a close battle, we are victorious. On a high from the first win, we decide to stick around for the final game, which will be a trifecta of three different trivia games, all pooling into one big score.

During a break, a really weary woman is shown in the stands of a baseball game. Brett remarks that she must be thinking “There’s just too much baseball going on here”. The remark becomes a theme for the rest of the weekend (“Too much xxxx”) where pretty much anything becomes funny. Because after all, repetition is funny.

Competition is fierce, and we lose the lead a couple of times, but stay competitive. By the final round, HATE is back in the lead, with a few teams following close behind. The last question allows us to wager points, up to half of what we’ve got. Adopting our “go big or go home” strategy, we bet all that we can and hope for the best. The question asks about the guitarist of a famous 60’s rock band. We narrow it down to 2 of the 5 choices, and Brett makes the call. Now, we wait.One by one, the NTN TV runs down each team, starting from the bottom. We learn their wager and their answer. Each time, the TV says “WRONG!” in big bold letters. Moving up the board, the trend continues, to the point where Brett starts to loudly yell “WRONG!” each time a team misses. When the second place team also scores wrong, our victory is cemented, only adding further insult to injury when HATE turns out to be the only team in the place to have answered the question right. Our score skyrockets. We celebrate. Having proven our trivia dominance, it’s time to go.

As we wind down this Saturday night early, due to fatigue and fullness, Brett kindly picks up our reasonable $20 bar tab, a small price to pay for the amount of fun we’ve had whooping up at NTN trivia. Total cost: $20 for Brett.

10:00 PM – Once again, home a bit too early to call it bedtime, we take advantage of the game room downstairs and the keg upstairs for some darts and Megatouch gaming. Brett is unsuccessful at trivia, which is a surprise, as he normally dominates the game. He does manage to score his first win at darts during the session, though, finally breaking his losing streak. By a little after midnight, we’re again spent, deciding to call it a fairly early end to our Saturday.

Day two costs: Brad – $48.00 Brett – $66.00. Due to eliminating Penn National, a few Mechanicsburg bar stops, and bowling, we are well under budget for day two.

SUNDAY

10:30 AM – After last night’s multi-pound burrito, it’s amazing that I feel like I can put anything in my stomach, yet I decide we should get the day rolling, so once Brett’s awake, we jump in the convertible for a Dunkin’ Donuts run. I’ve got coupons so it’s pretty cheap for us to each get a giant coffee and a dozen donuts for variety (no, we don’t eat them all). The temperature’s perfect for a Sunday morning drive, almost beach-like in its cool humidity. Though the cable was out early in the morning, it’s back now so we can couch out and rest up a bit with some random tv. Donut run costs: Brad – $7, Brett $2. 12:15 PM – Pumpkinfest is a rather lame event held in October every year near my place — The positive aspect is that you can literally walk there in 5 minutes as it’s at the local park. The bad thing is that there’s really nothing to do there. The event features mostly craft booths, some propaganda, and, of course, food. Still feeling the weight of the burrito and the morning coffee and donuts, we still somehow manage to find room to grab some grub – Brett does a sausage sandwich and I get a Cajun blue cheese chicken sandwich. The food’s good, and it’s easy to snag a seat and enjoy the nice weather for a few before we head back home. Sandwich costs – Brad $3.25, Brett $6.00.1:00 PM – The afternoon’s been set aside for football – We’re both in a big pick 5 pool where we pick 5 teams against the spread each week. Since we both picked the Giants over the Jets, we focus on that game, flipping also to a Pittsburgh game that I’ve picked.

2:45 PM – Halftime is Wii time — The one toy we didn’t get to yet for the weekend. I’ve got a new Wii Carnival game where you can do stuff like ring toss, horse racing, and the like, so we kill around 20 minutes in heated Carnival competition. Inevitably it seems, Brett loses most of the games.

4:05 PM – In the end, the Jets choke and lose a game they’ve played pretty well. But we’re happy as we made the right call with the Giants. Pittsburgh dominates and gets me another win, yet we both lose with Kansas City. With that, We’re both 2 and 1 so far for the weekend, not a bad start to the pick 5 pool.

4:15 PM Brett hits the trail home, I clean up the piles of change (I think I made around $3 from Brett’s change this weekend, give or take, not a bad haul), and we put the first Best Of Harrisburg weekend on the books.

Day three costs: Brad – $10.25. Brett – $8.00.

Total weekend cost: Brad – $208.25. Brett – $197.00.

So what have we learned? Basically, that for around $200 you can have a heck of a fantastic weekend in Central PA. Even better, we have some ideas for the next time that should make things even better.

1) Split the downtown bars up into two days or nights. We can make a list of bars open during the day and hit those, then save the night-only bars for the end of the night.

2) Hit Troegs early and try every beer they have on tap. That way, we can say we did an ABC sampler one, and a Troegs sampler the next day.

3) Laser tag was a bust just because we didn’t anticipate the crowds. Next time, we’ll register immediately and race on the outdoor track while we wait our turn.

4) Eating a whole burrito was possible, but a struggle, and it filled us up for the rest of the night. Next time, eat half, and save half for a night time snack or breakfast the next day.

5) We may need to find a different beer to drink at Market Cross, as Sammiclaus is no longer on the menu. Overall, it’s a subdued stop, but historical, and gives us something else to hit in Carlisle.

6) We can’t count on the pool room being open at ABC, and should have an alternate plan pre-scheduled in the case of another private event.

7) Move Penn National to Friday night, possibly after ABC stop.

8 ) Try and work Drink and bowl in the next time, along with stops at a couple Mechanicsburg area bars.

That’s all, folks!