Mario Reports…
Well, as promised here are some highlights from the Q&A session last night. The show went on for a little over five hours, and Kevin looked exhausted by the end of the night: (feel free to use as you like)
– Affleck may need dead hooker clean up again now that the whole Bennifer thing is over.
– Kevin went in detail on his take for improving the Lord of the Rings Trilogy by including a Sam and Frodo “Suck off” session at the end of Return of the King. He also detailed his thoughts for making Passion of the Christ more interesting to him. Let’s just say that the third act was completely re-written to include a JC rescue by a pair of unexplained ninjas who deliver JC from the cross and allow him to live a normal life, in which he decides to become an accountant. Either that or have Christ rise again as a zombie.
– Kevin has been immersing himself in “chop-socky” films to prep for Hornet. He went into a few things he liked, and how he detests the dialogue in those films. He dropped a couple hints, confirming the rumor that Jet Li is being saught for Kato, but surprisingly went off on loving, excuse me, fucking loving Zhang Ziyi. Someone in the crowd yelled “Zhang Ziyi as Kato” and Kevin got a big grin and “zipped” his lip…hmmm, interesting, no?
– Apparantly Mewes is sober, and horny as all hell. He accomplished the “Chamberlainian” feat of bedding twenty seven women in thirty days.
– Someone questioned the Clerks Stage Production that was shut down by ViewAskew, to which Kevin responded that bottom line was the people putting it on were using the material without asking, which is theft. Someone yelled out “what did you lose from (the show being put on)?” and he said nothing, but it’s still theft. The person asked him what was on his iPod and Kevin responded with “everything I bought from the Apple Store.”
– Kevin spoke about a children’s book he hopes to write soon based on a “thing” that his dog use to do a lot.
– After Daredevil: Target and finishing up Spider-man/Black Cat Kevin will take a break from comics until he catches up on all of his scripts.
– Kevin learned a lot last night. Here are a few things:
1) Berkeley students don’t wear red because of their rivalry with Stanford. To this Kevin told them to “Grow Up.”
2) Nor Cal folks hold a grudge against LA because “they steal our water.” Kevin was fascinated by this and vowed to return all unused water bottles after the show. Someone pointed out that this was a huge part of Chinatown, and Kevin said “it’s all coming together.”
3) There was a 15 year old Catholic School Girl who was there for her birthday. She told Kevin she was Jewish and this blew his mind. It turns out that 10% of her school is Jewish because of the poor schooling and high crime rate in Oakland. They both swapped stories and Kevin came to the conclusion that she was his exact opposite, making her his nemisis. Then she told him her last name is Smith and he said “you’re freaking me out here!” It was pretty funny.
All in all it was a great show and I encourage anyone who gets a chance to go check the guy out when he speaks.
ASKEWVIEW Reports…
Ok, ladies and gentleman, Kevin divulged some information last night that may take the edge off of all those sleepless nights…yes…Ben did get the ring back. There, now isn’t that so much better, can we all sleep again? Personally I wasn’t losing any sleep over it but Kevin was kind enough to open with that and satisfy the drooling masses early on. It was clearly an attempt to avoid any Bennifer probing (yes I said probing what’s the big deal, get your mind out of the fucking gutter).
Kevin was in top form last night and had everyone laughing within the first five minutes. Someone of course had to ask about The Passion of The Christ controversy and parallel it to Dogma. Kevin responded with some background on his Catholic upbringing and how he was raised to care more about the message Jesus brought and the things he said as opposed to the beating and crucifying, etc., etc., that is found in Mel’s gory and redundant flick which spends virtually no time on the message and a whole lot of time on the beating the shit out of and nailing to the cross. Kevin also said that he didn’t make Dogma to offend but rather that it was his way of being irreverent about being reverent. When asked if he himself had and or would go see it Kevin’s response was that he had no intention, in fact he didn’t want to see it but had to some time soon because he was asked to review it. He said he would have gladly gone to see it had they spun the “third act,” and say ninjas swooped down and rescued Jesus who went on to become..an accountant.
It was an educational night for all, Kevin learned a bit about the cradle of free speech, and the rivalry of northern vs southern California ( after all they do steal our fucking water). He also learned about the athletics rivalry between Stanford and Berkeley to which he replied, “grow up”. A fan came up on stage and in a red shirt and the Berkeley kids practically booed him off (man keep wearing red, FUCK the bears, damn the man, fight the power, go fuckin’ Stanford!)
Many people asked for autographs and Kevin left it up to the masses to decide who got and who didn’t and the masses are evil and mean and pretty much only let girls get autographs (we cry better I guess).
Everyone was in for a treat, none so much as Kevin himself when his very own nemesis made an appearance. JoAnn, a 15 yr old girl from Oakland, CA who goes to catholic school and is Jewish had Kevin fascinated and suddenly Kevin’s Q & A turned into JoAnn’s third degree (with Kev asking the questions). Apparently with not a lot of options for school in Oakland and few private schools this poor girl had to go to catholic school and Kevin was all interested in how they tried to save her soul and convert her and what not.
Here are some interesting tidbits; for all those playstation fans out there Kevin says the only game worth playing is Ape Escape, and he doesn’t steal his music for his ipod off the net but pays apple 99 cents a pop for songs and those fools in Bakersfield were wrong to steal Kev’s Clerks concept for a play without going through the appropriate channels. Kevin says his wife doesn’t like it when he divulges ultra-personal information about their sex life and hopes she doesn’t read his playboy interview where he tells all about their dirty talk and how he fantasizes about her with another man (Kev, what about your wife and another chick? You and my fiancee can both watch us..I’ll bring the popcorn..is that atkins approved?).
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