- Kevin took over the advice column guru role for “Jane Magazine†this month and answered a few girls’ questions with both humor, honesty, and, actually, some pretty good advice. Check it out:
DEAR MAN
Director Kevin Smith dissects your neuroses after mulling them over for three months.
Reader’s Q: My first kiss with this guy was awful. Do I give him another chance? -Toni, Santa Fe, N.M.
Kevin’s A: Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. If you really like a guy enough to jam your tongue in his bacteria-laden mouth, then be patient enough with him to help him over the rough patches. If he’s kissing like a moron, let him know there’s a better way, and then show him how to do it. We’re easily trained, us men. We’re clay, ladies, mold us. We want to make you happy, so that when you dump us for another guy, you’ll come back to us when the new dude’s a lousy kisser who won’t take direction well.
Q: My new boyfriend and I get drunk every time we’re together. It’s scary to think of hanging out sober. What should I do? -Name withheld
A: Demi Moore? Is that you? If you’ve got to be loaded to hang out with the boyfriend, just try it sober for a week. If yu’re both still digging one another dry, then go back to getting blitzed daily, secure in the knowledge that you’re in love and not simply seeing this guy through beer goggles.
Q:How do I deal with my significant other’s annoying pet? -Robin, Troy, N.Y.
A:Get an even more annoying pet. That way, the battle of the sexes plays out via unsuspecting animal proxies and not via rash actions and unkind words between you and your partner. Pet shops stay in business, the economy gets healthier, the cost of living comes down, and I finally get a break on my friggin’ taxes.
Kevin’s question for you:
Q: What kind of woman writes to an advice column anyway? Don’t you people have any real friends?
A: Please, aren’t you pals with Bennifer? Don’t talk to me about “real†friends. -Amy. Newark, N.J.
Director Kevin Smith dissects your neuroses after mulling them over for three months.
Reader’s Q: My first kiss with this guy was awful. Do I give him another chance? -Toni, Santa Fe, N.M.
Kevin’s A: Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. If you really like a guy enough to jam your tongue in his bacteria-laden mouth, then be patient enough with him to help him over the rough patches. If he’s kissing like a moron, let him know there’s a better way, and then show him how to do it. We’re easily trained, us men. We’re clay, ladies, mold us. We want to make you happy, so that when you dump us for another guy, you’ll come back to us when the new dude’s a lousy kisser who won’t take direction well.
Q: My new boyfriend and I get drunk every time we’re together. It’s scary to think of hanging out sober. What should I do? -Name withheld
A: Demi Moore? Is that you? If you’ve got to be loaded to hang out with the boyfriend, just try it sober for a week. If yu’re both still digging one another dry, then go back to getting blitzed daily, secure in the knowledge that you’re in love and not simply seeing this guy through beer goggles.
Q:How do I deal with my significant other’s annoying pet? -Robin, Troy, N.Y.
A:Get an even more annoying pet. That way, the battle of the sexes plays out via unsuspecting animal proxies and not via rash actions and unkind words between you and your partner. Pet shops stay in business, the economy gets healthier, the cost of living comes down, and I finally get a break on my friggin’ taxes.
Kevin’s question for you:
Q: What kind of woman writes to an advice column anyway? Don’t you people have any real friends?
A: Please, aren’t you pals with Bennifer? Don’t talk to me about “real†friends. -Amy. Newark, N.J.
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