My friend Scott and I left Cleveland around 9am hoping to get to Kent early and beat any crowd that may have formed waiting for Kevin. I had heard stories about people at IU showing up at 6am with a TV and DVD player to keep them company on the long wait, so I decided to be the early bird at Kent.

When we arrived there was no one, and I mean not a soul had come early to line up, so Scott and I walked around enjoying the campus and grabbing a bite. Around 4pm we decided to go inside to the ballroom and see if there were any folks in line. Four people had shown up, so I quickly became 5th in line.

The event was thought unlikely to sell out so Kent was telling people who had called that day that they could buy tickets at the door. One young lady named Rose came up to the maybe 10 or so in the line who had gathered and asked if we had an extra ticket seeing as how the show had sold out. We didn’t so we gave here a piece of paper and she made a sign “37! KS tix please!” The poor gal finally got a ticket after numerous inquiries about whether or not her sign meant she was willing to suck 37 dicks for a ticket!

After 3 and a half hours of waiting in line with some of the funniest and hard core fans I have ever met we got in. Front row, 10 feet away from the podium…it was beautiful. I sat there with my Clerks comics, Chasing Dogma and my sign that read “Thanks for tonights Brain Discustion (in reference to that website) -OU1313- Kent also made the mistake of selling 1,400 tickets when the ballroom really only holds 1,200 so we had to wait while seating arrangements were made and everyone was settled, but at 8:10 we all realized how worth the wait it all was. Kevin took the stage with an enormous roar from the crowd, making a few jokes about Kents history and the fact that we were there to watch him of all people while the President was speaking to the nation. Then he told us since this visit was being taped for the DVD, they needed to do some odd stuff, like filming his departure first. We all played along as we watched him walk off stage and the cameras rolled past our faces.

He came back out and said, this is for you folks, I’m not here to lecture because I really don’t know how so let’s start with the questions. I was the first one up to the mic and asked about the line in the Dogma script about where God is initially supposed to answer Bethany’s question of “why are we all here” with the statement of plastics. I understood that this was a nod to the Graduate, but George Carlin also has a standup routine wherein he uses the same line coming from God. So I asked if he knew this when he wrote it. It was quite the witty banter getting that question out seeing as how both Kevin and I were interrupting each other, but it was hilarious to all and then he told the story of how he learned of Carlin’s routine afterwards and was a bit uncomortable when he saw it after casting him and had to answer the same question when Carlin himself had asked.

The night contained many of the same stories a lot of us had all heard before on this board, but it didn’t matter, because we were hearing them come out of Kevin’s mouth, live and in the flesh. The infamous Prince story was indeed long, yet completely worth it….I will never look at Prince the same way again, not that many of us didn’t already see him in a strange light, but seriously, “Prince lives in Prince world where the idea of the word no to one of his requests is unfathomable.”

The absolute highlight of the night is when a cast member from Clerks showed up. The guy who says “Whadda ya mean theres no ice! You mean I gotta drink this coffee hot!” Kevin’s face lit up and was in such a suprised state as was the rest of the crowd. It was touching to see such a commradary after all of these years between the two men as Kevin asked how he had wound up in Ohio and then received praise from the man “you said you were going to make something of this and look at you now.”

Maybe an hour into the show we hear screams coming from outside as 5 fans were begging to come in. Kevin starts shouting back to them “are you okay?” They yell back that their buddy deserted them with their tickets and couldn’t get in. Kevin asked the KSU people if they could come in if they had tickets so some of the crowd members walked up and gave Kevin their extra tickets and the fans outside were let in. For retribution they were made to climb up on stage and dance to Jungle Love in place of Kevin who declined to do so. (He said it would make him to much like our little monkey boy “Dance monkey man! Dance!” came from the crowd!)

Mid show, guess who calls, yes many of us were expecting it, Mr. Mewes himself! Kevin kept trying to tell Jay the name of the school but he just didn’t get it, I am assuming he was calling it something that sounds like Kent instead (Cunt State!) He held the mic up to the phone and we hear the man himself. Afterwards he calls Jason Lee and he tells us about the film he is working on now (Vanilla Sky).

Next came the most beautiful moment of the night for me…Kevins cell phone died! He was talking about Scott Mosier’s recent investment in a macked out fully loaded VW van to drive around the country in and decides to call him and have him describe it to the crowd, but his battery is dead. So who’s phone does he use? Oh ya, mine! I was totally flabbergasted, Kevin was using my phone and talking to Scott fucking Mosier on it! Nice, just damned nice!

The night was wrapping up and the oddities came out, Kevin received a video homage to himself, a CD of some local band, a coconut to give to Mewes (yipes, just fucking yipes) and a marriage proposal for Silent Bob, not Kevin, but Silent Bob in which the woman goes off on a tangent about her ex husband who bought a $200 yo-yo which lead to their divorce! Kevin responds “mam, Silent Bob is a fictional character, fictional…” and then he refers back to the tattoo on his arm which says “Jenny’s” stating that is the one and only wife he will ever have. Then she proceeds to beg for sex from the crowd! SCARY!

Kevin made it very clear that he was there to talk and not sign autographs, because answering Q’s was much more personal in his book. So thats what he did, he answered questions like a champ until 1:15 am, again having to be practically dragged off stage. As soon as he said good night there was a mad rush to the stage for his autograph and pictures. Kevin was so right, after that 5 hour Q & A you really do feel like you have just sat down and had a one on one conversation with him. He his so devoted to his fans and really does do everything in his power to please the masses. He even gave a hug to an audience member who looked like he was next to tears when describing what Chasing Amy had meant to him. I swear, he is a quality, quality man and I won’t soon forget this stellar “Evening with Kevin Smith.”