WireImage.com pics of me in a tux.

Landed at two in the afternoon on Sunday, got to the hotel, showered, got dressed, and hit the “Southland Tales” premiere at the Palais. Screening went great. Some of the reviews haven’t been kind, but the word is the NY Times and the Village Voice love the flick. If you dug “Donnie Darko”, chances are you’ll dig Richard Kelly’s latest. I am almost completely unrecognizable in my makeup and with my fat-ass calves digitally removed. Fingers crossed that Richard (whose flick is in the official competition) wins something at fest’s end.

Also, got back into a tux (you have to wear one in order to be admitted into the screenings at the Palais) to hit the “X-Men: The Last Stand” premiere last night. The entire cast was in attendance, and the flick was insanely well-received by the packed-house audience. Anyone who was sweating Brett Ratner as a director can relax: the flick’s a fun watch.

This morning, downstairs in the lobby of my hotel, I was checking email when I saw Ian McKellen, wearing a bathrobe, at the front desk. Apparently, he was locked out of his room.

And that, my friends, is Cannes in a nutshell: the place where you have to squeeze into a tux to see a flick, but can spot Gandalf in the nearly-altogether.

“Clerks II” has its world debut here on Friday at midnight. I’ll let you know how it goes.