Butt, Why?
Director Kevin Smith explains his idea for a ”Truman Show” sequel
by Joe Neumaier

One of the surprise winners at Sunday’s Golden Globe awards in L.A. was ”The Truman Show”’s Jim Carrey, who nabbed Best Actor in a Drama. In his acceptance speech, Carrey remarked how it would be much harder ”to talk out of my butt now.”

Though Carrey’s win was unexpected, filmmaker Kevin Smith (”Clerks,” ”Chasing Amy”) — whose next film, ”Dogma,” starring Matt Damon and Alanis Morissette, is due later this year — tells EW Online that the high-priced comic would have to rethink his remarks if he were to star in a Smith-directed sequel to ”Truman”

What would the hypothetical plot be? Once Truman Burbank breaks free of his 24-hour televised life, Smith says, ”he’d become a major celebrity, getting $20 million a picture to talk out of his buttcheeks.” And would Truman hate his new-found fame? ”Nah. He’d get used to it and embrace it.” Wait, isn’t Carrey already starring in that role?

It’s settled then – this is how we’ll do it.

Some food for thought: the new Stash is opening for business next Wednesday. What we’re talking about holding is a grand opening. Does this mean you can go to the Stash between Wednesday and the grand opening day? Absolutely. The difference?

Well, the new Stash is chockful of memoribilia – not the least of which is stuff on display from ‘Dogma’ (the Buddy Christ, No-Man, the Golden Calf). But we’re going to cover that stuff up with sheets until the summer/fall (Lent-style, for those who speak Catholic). However, for that one, glorious day, we’ll pull the sheets, and display all. In addition to that, we’ll be showing stuff on the monitors that folks won’t get a chance to see elsewhere for quite some time, we’ll have guests galore, some free giveaways, and the chance to see hundreds of other folks dressed just like you… being dressed just like me (and that other guy). And it could make the papers, as they say.

So if you just want to see the Stash, drop on by as of Wednesday. However, if you want the whole Magilla, then waiting ’til the shindig is in order – which begs the question of ‘when’.

We’re thinking early March – maybe the first weekend. It’d be held on a Saturday. The conservative estimate right now is two hundred people. The worst-case-scenario is a thousand. Either way, all will be accomodated. Based on the amount who show up, we’ll have a system in place that allows for folks to get in, see stuff, meet folks, then filter out, allowing the next round in (we’re thinking in blocks of fifty here). I realize this may disuade those who feel that travel from a distance for maybe a half hour of Stash-time isn’t worth it, but that’s about the best we can do right now. It’s not to say you’ve gotta leave Red Bank once you’ve seen the inside of the store, Heavens no. Feel free to hang out, mingle with other board folks, meet, greet, fuck, get back in line, tour the area, come back in when things have died down, etc. We’re thinking of an all-day, possibly all-night affair here, starting at ten a.m., and going until we’ve all had enough (though I can’t guarantee some of the guests won’t bag out around five or six, as – unlike most of us – these folks have lives). It should be a lot of fun, and something to shamefully share with your children one day (“One time, I dressed up like Jay and Silent Bob to get into Kevin Smith’s comic book store.” “Who’re Jay and Silent Bob?” “These characters that Kevin Smith used to exploit to no-end.” “Who’s Kevin Smith?”).

All that being said, we’ve decided that – in the interest of fairness – you may come only as Jay or Silent Bob (guys or gals). It doesn’t have to be stunning likeness, but unless you’re a bearded Bob or a long-haired Jay, you ain’t getting in (the lone exception being Breckiono, who’ll be coming as the Slinger).

Not to belabor a point either, but the store looks phenomenal. Today, the sign was delivered. It’s gorgeous. They’re putting it up Saturday, for those who’re curious. Ratface and his team did a masterful job and pulling it all together (the colors… oh, the colors…). I’ve yet to disappointed (and I’m paying the bills), so I’m sure you’ll dig it too.

We’ll be in town to cover the event for the site (as well as do the usual fanboy type stuff), and will be dressed as ourselves, unlike most of you, so we should stick out pretty well when all’s said and done. Hope to meet a lot of you there!