…Still, I have always, and will always, love that show. And I’m not bitching about the ending (though, if I had any hardcore complaint it was that there was no shout-out to the ducks that kicked off this nearly decade-long love affair) because they provided one really beautiful moment that I feel summed up the entire series quite nicely: Tony visiting Uncle Junior.

“You and my Dad,” Tony said. “You two ran North Jersey.”
“We did?”
“Yeah.”
“Hm.” Beat. “That’s nice.”

I thought that brief exchange really captured the futility of not just This Thing of Ours, but ambition and accomplisment in general: you struggle and toil and put shit together from scratch, and it all seems so epic and important in the moment, and you make sacrifices, and there are casualties along the way… and ultimately, if you’re lucky, you wind up in a wheelchair, unable to remember most of what you’ve done.

SModcast 15: The Pretty-Good Worker

In which things go back to normal and our heroes discuss the passing of a bear-like legend, ruminate on the emotional and physical perils of pet ownership, confess to being cat people, fret over Weiners hunting weiners, become the Jolie of dog adoption, and incur the wrath of all right-thinking and decent people by spending nearly an hour trying to figure out whether Helen Keller was truly impaired or just party to an elaborate ruse.

CG: I was wondering the status of this project as well. Did “Shaun Of The DEAD” kill it (pardon the pun)?

BL: Nope, EVERYBODY’S DEAD will see the light of day. But probably not as a movie at first. I think by this time next year we can all talk about EVERYBODY’S DEAD at length, for it will be thrust out into the world like a crying, angry baby. But, again, not as a movie at first.

CG: You think the Henson Company will put your script out as a comic some day?

Just out of curiosity, what was the plot of your script (ala…Muppets Take Manhattan, Muppets In Space, etc…)? Any hints??

BL: MASSIVE SPOILERS FOLLOW!

The name of it was THE NEXT MUPPET MOVIE, and it was the same universe as THE MUPPET MOVIE, only years and years later, and the Muppets were hugely successful and some were getting kind of spoiled. Kermit’s trying to keep them together and he’s stressing out.

Anyway, an evil Hollywood agent signs the Muppets and starts putting them in solo movies and TV shows (Gonzo is the next James Bond and the next Batman, the Electric Mayhem goes Marilyn Manson-y after Animal starts a solo rap career, that kinda thing).

Kermit has to pull together a makeshift band of Muppets (Robin, Rizzo, Pepe, Bean Bunny, Digit from THE JIM HENSON HOUR, etc.) to re-start the Muppet show.

Eventually Kermit figures out the Agent had an ulterior motive in breaking up the Muppets, goes to confront the Agent, gets kidnapped, and the original Muppets have to work with the newbies to save him. The ending involves a lot of Ninjas, a giant Elephant, a seven foot Kermit, and Gonzo saving the day by crashing through the skylight in his Batman gear.

The Agent runs away, the Muppets all come back together, everyone is happy…

…but at the very end, we see the Agent gets dropped off by a taxi, fully ready to try to break up a new group. As he walks away, we pan out and reveal he’s on Sesame Street.

Cameos were from Pierce Brosnan, John Cleese, Mary Tyler Moore, Marilyn Manson, all the Sesame Street Characters, Mr. Rogers, the Teletubbies…it was epic.

I talked to Michael Keaton once who had read the script and wanted to meet me because of it. I asked him to play the agent if it ever got made, and he said that would be cool. I’m very sorry it didn’t get made.

That’s the most I’ve ever spoiled about it. It was like a purging.

“…I’ve been flirting with doing something about porn for a decade now. First there was the Jason Lee porn show (”Hiatus”) that Carsey-Werner felt no network would touch, then there was “Name”. Now, ten years later, it’s “Zack and Miri”.”