“Who cares about this multitasking mama’s box-office-topping, platinum-record-selling paydays? All we want to know is, what’s the deal with her and Affleck? The two disgustingly beautiful people costar in Jersey Girl and Gigli. ‘The chemistry between Ben and Jen is so palpable,’ stammers director Kevin Smith, ‘you could almost bottle it and sell it as an aphrodisiac.’ Dream on, Kev. We took the idea to a patent attorney. We were escorted out!”