Sadly, that first section of this article was no joke. Erstwhile producer (and ex-hairdresser) Jon Peters has been trying to get this off the ground since 1997. At the outset, the project was promising due to the fact that Peters had commissioned cult-icon Kevin Smith (Dogma) to write a faithful script that would introduce new fans to DC Comics’ oldest champion of truth, justice and the American way while also paying respect to longtime comic retentives. Smith’s initial script, entitled Superman Lives was a genuine treasure, updating the character while retaining the spirit of what made him an icon in the first place.

Enter Peters, whose input ranged from “Y’know what makes comic book movies so great? Real martial artists,” to “I loved the gay character in Chasing Amy so much that I want one in this movie too — ooh, I know, let’s make it a gay, hyperintelligent, robotic canine! That’s sure to pack ‘em into the seats!” Not surprisingly, Smith moved on and disassociated himself from the project, which still has Nicholas Cage attached for the Clark Kent role (to Cage’s credit, he has admitted to being a fan since childhood). As early as last year, Tim Burton expressed interest in directing, but opted to do Sleepy Hollow when no new script of any caliber emerged. Don’t look for the flick to hit the local multiplex in the forseeable future.