Man, it was ugly in here for a little while.

Anyhoo, just checking in with some stuff.

Went to “Daredevil” again the other night, and saw the teaser that’ll run before “Minority Report.” It’s just flat-out tremendous. Lots of footage (in quick cuts, of course), including Ben in costume, Elektra Garner spinning her sais, and Bullseye in action. This oughta quiet anybody who’s running around cyber-space bitching about the flick.

For the record, I am NOT in talks with Warner Brothers about the “Batman” franchise (though after being on the “DD” set that handful of times, I wish I was). I don’t know where people get this stuff.

I’ve seen sculpts of the “Clerks” cartoon figures, and they’re genius.

Clete Shields is doing Jay and Silent Bob cold cast statues that we should have ready for Christmas, and they, too, are genius.

It’s looking like Philly for sure for the “Jersey Girl” shoot, with a week in Highlands and a week in NYC. Also, being based in Philly will allow us to hop over the bridge and actually shoot all non-stage stuff in New Jersey. Kind of appropriate, considering the film’s title.

Saw “The Bourne Identity” last night. If for no other reason, see it to watch Matty beat the living shit out of people. He comes off very Batman (comics Batman, not movie Batman).

Also saw “The Sum of All Fears” last week, in which Ben makes it very clear he’s a bona fide movie star now. So weird to watch the flick (which I really dug) and think “This motherfucker used to sleep on my couch.” I mean, it’d be like as if Harrison Ford used to sleep on my couch. Or Clooney. Or Pitt. Or all three of them together, fucking on my couch. And I was always like “Harrison! George! Brad! Stop getting cum all over my couch!” And they were like “We can’t help it, man! We loves to fuck man-pussy!”

Alright, it’s not like that at all. But you get the picture.

The completed “Spider-Man/Black Cat” first issue is done and off to the printers. Looks fucking gorgeous. Reads okay. I’ve gotta stop writing for insanely talented artists, because the script never lives up to the artwork. Time to start working with total no-talents, so that my story gets to outshine the art.

And after a month of working out and changing the diet completely, I’ve lost twenty pounds. Lots more to go, but a nice start. It’s feels good to drop the weight, but feels even better to be stronger, building muscle and whatnot. Mind you, I’m not so strong that I could physically stop Harrison Ford, George Clooney, and Brad Pitt from fucking on my couch, but still.

In closing, I don’t want any man-on-man-on-man three-ways on my couch. The coffee table, sure; but not the couch.

And don’t forget: Movie Poop Shoot. June 17th.

The actor and then-director Tim Burton had “a great rapport,” Cage added. Cage surprised Stern by showing up at the studio during an interview with Chris Rock, who was to play Jimmy Olsen in the film.

Also, Cage said he turned down the role of Green Goblin in Spider-Man because he was offered a role in Adaptation by director Spike Jonez. “I was on an art track. I didn’t want to do a big blockbuster then.”

Cage was promoting Windtalkers, the John Woo-directed film about Navaho code-talkers in World War II which opens June 14. Rock was promoting Bad Company, the spy action film directed by Joel Schumacher and co-starring Anthony Hopkins, which opens tomorrow.

When Stern asked Rock if he thought Schumacher ruined the Batman movie franchise, the comedian/actor replied “Like it was that great of a movie before?”

A Miramax Films release of an HSI-Tomorrow Films production in association with LivePlanet. Produced by Chris Moore, Stavros Merjos, Adam Rosenfelt, Chad Snopek. Executive producers, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Yoram Pelman. Co-producer, Louis G. Friedman. Directed by Jordan Brady.

Stanley – Luke Wilson Diana – Denise Richards Phil – Jay Lacopo Michael – Ben Affleck Kevin – Matt Damon

By DAVID ROONEY

A relatively upscale cast struggles to pump life into “The Third Wheel,” a romantic comedy about a sweet-natured guy whose plans for a perfect night with the girl of his dreams are sabotaged by an eccentric intruder. With a little more wit and invention, this might have been a fun date-from-hell scenario along the lines of “After Hours.” But it quickly succumbs to soft scripting, lack of rhythm and poorly drawn characters. Pushed back repeatedly on Miramax’s schedule and still awaiting a U.S. release date, the film opened in Italy to limp business Friday, redubbed “Duet for Three” by local distrib Eagle Pictures. Name talent involved should provide commercial redemption as a video title.

Shot in summer 1999, the modest-looking production was exec produced by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Script was written by Jay Lacopo, who starred in the Affleck-directed 1993 short “I Killed My Lesbian Wife, Hung Her on a Meat Hook, and Now I Have a Three-Picture Deal at Disney.” Maybe Affleck finds this guy funny, but others may disagree based on his script and his acting in an irritating key role. The writer-star even gets a featured rap number in the end credits with no connection to anything that’s come before.

All-round nice guy Stanley (Luke Wilson), for reasons never quite made clear, hasn’t had a date in a long time. The arrival in his office of hotshot administrator Diana (Denise Richards) gives Stanley a romantic goal, and he finally succeeds in asking her out after much egging on by office colleague Michael (Affleck).

Michael and the entire office staff monitor Stanley’s progress during the date, placing bets on his chances of physical contact. But while things start out promisingly, the couple are hijacked by Phil (Lacopo), a homeless guy hit by Stanley’s car. Phil makes it his single-minded mission to play Good Samaritan in romantically challenged Stanley’s quest to win Diana, but instead provokes one disaster after another.

Given the inconsistency with which Phil and other characters are developed, the closing revelation of his real m.o. provides no great surprise. Nor does the cynicism of his self-serving agenda bring any edge to the pedestrian proceedings. Lacopo has an amusing moment or two but too often grates, playing Phil as a well-meaning dolt but also a leechlike obsessive. One scene in particular in which Phil engages a busload of passengers in a childlike sing-along game is excruciatingly cute.

Wilson keeps the material afloat to a degree with his relaxed charm. But that same natural ease seems at odds with Stanley’s supposed awkwardness with women. Richards has even less to work with, her business savvy and unexpected sweetness conveyed more through other people’s perceptions of her than anything communicated by the character herself. However, the couple has more appeal than the lackluster material, and the predictably rosy outcome will make this a serviceable enough date movie for undemanding audiences.

Affleck registers smugly in an ill-conceived supporting role, while an unbilled Damon appears briefly as Diana’s hostile ex-boyfriend.

Despite his background as a standup comic and TV presenter, director Jordan Brady — who ostentatiously acknowledges his own work with a poster for his first feature, “Dill Scallion,” plastered across the side of a bus — brings uneven timing and little personality to the comedy, uninterestingly shot in anonymous L.A. locations.

Screenplay, Jay Lacopo. Camera (color), Jonathan Brown; editors, Paul Seydor, Sam Citron; music, Wendy Melvoin, Lisa Coleman; production designer, Cosmas A. Demetriou; art director, Gregory R. Branson; set decorators, Christopher Carlson, Herman Camacho; costume designer, Leesa Evans; sound (Dolby Digital), Cameron D. Hamza; associate producers, Jeff Balis, Marc Schaberg; assistant director, Carey Dietrich; casting; Michelle Morris-Gertz. Reviewed on videocassette, Rome, June 3, 2002. MPAA Rating: PG-13. Running time: 90 MIN.

Affleck: Yeah, nerve-racking, sure. It’s not something I would have done trying to follow those guys… I’m not Harrison Ford. I’m not Alec Baldwin. Those guys did a great job and I don’t imagine that I’m likening myself to them or trying to do better than they did.

I went and talked to Harrison and Alec and Tom Clancy and kind of wanted to get their approval. It’s a contemporary story, but we’re taking it back to when [Jack Ryan] first started working there, so he’s a little more green, more new. He doesn’t really know what he’s doing. He doesn’t wear the right clothes yet and he’s a little unpolished. He just met the Cathy character [played by Bridget Moynahan] who he ends up marrying. It’s kind of like a “Jack Ryan: Year One” type of story and I was comfortable doing it that way.

There are always gonna be people that just refuse to like anything but the Harrison Ford version or the Alec version or whatever, but I wouldn’t have taken the job if I was too worried about taking hits like that. Some people will only like the originals, but I’m really proud of the movie and I really like it. I hope people like it and respond to it cause I hate to be the guy that’s thought of ruining the Jack Ryan franchise. That wouldn’t look good in my obituary.

Jedi Rory informed me that Mark Hamill did some voice acting for Raven Software‘s new game, Soldier of Fortune II: Double Helix. I took it upon myself to talk to Kenn Hoekstra, Project Administrator at Raven.

TFN Games: Why Mark Hamill?

Mr. Hoekstra: Mark was in the studio doing voices for another project when we were at the studio recording voices for Soldier of Fortune II. The recording session was actually being done right around 9/11, so a lot of flights were cancelled and scheduling conflicts abounded. Mark knew our voice casting director and agreed to do some voices as a favor to her. It was one of those “right place/right time” things.

TFN Games: Did any Raven staff get to meet him?

Mr. Hoekstra: No one at Raven did, unfortunately. Matt Morton, one of our producers at Activision, probably worked with him the closest.

TFN Games: If so, what was he like? Did he dress in that ultra-cool Jedi outfit from Return of the Jedi? That thing rocks!

Mr. Hoekstra: He was actually wearing a Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back jacket at the session.