• Brian Lynch dropped us a line yesterday to clarify something about the Film Threat bit we posted last update. When we first read it, we thought they were talking about Ben & Kevin as people, when they really were more referring to their “status in Hollywood”. Still ridiculous, as every film site on the internet seems to be anxious for VA5 and Affleck’s got about 10 projects lined up, let alone “Pearl Harbor”, probably the biggest film of next year. Just sounds like more of Film Threat’s silly name calling going on.
• View Askew 5 and Kevin himself continue to perform very well at the Hollywood Stock Exchange, that addictive game that these two webmasters wisely keep away from (else we may have to sacrifice sleep). Folks who play report both stocks are soaring, a very good sign that the Kevin and the new flick are more popular than ever online.
• Here’s a brief excerpt from a chat with Spawn creator Todd McFarlane. Seems he’s a fan:

• Yet another obscure (but scooper found) reference to Kev’s flicks appears in the latest Scientific Journal. In it, they cite micro budgeted features such as “Clerks” and “El Mariachi”, shot on film cheaply before the advent of digital video. They also cite the internet’s role in things, since View Askew has always had a very good web presence:

• What’s Mallrats babe Claire Forlani up to these days? Seems she’s got a new film lined up called “Anti Trust” which just wrapped filming. Read more details HERE. They’ve also got a clip up of her discussing the flick.
• Couple quick mentions around the web of Kevin today: A Clerks reference is worked into the daily rant over at the IGN website, Kevin’s a choice in Big G Media’s “Favorite Comic Show Booth Babe” poll (don’t ask us) which is located HERE, and the Buddy Christ was spotted at a humor-oriented website called The True Meaning of Life. Catch ya next time!

• An inspired scooper sent us these rules for a drinking game based on the Mallrats DVD commentary track (NOT the film, like our game), and we certainly thought it was creative enough to give a mention. Check out the rules below, but remember, News Askew does not hold itself responsible for anything that may happen from playing the game, and don’t drive anywhere if ya do, for god’s sake:

• ONE SHOT WHEN:
• Someone refers to someone else by a movie they have appeared in (such as “Phantom’s Ben Affleck”)
• The word “pottymouth” is used
• The original opening of the film is mentioned
• Ben Affleck is interrupted in order to point out Brian or Walt.

  (take an extra shot if Ben is the one interrupting other people for the same reason)

• Jay plugs the Secret Stash and the merchandise that can be purchased there.(take an extra shot if he gives the address and phone number)
• Ben Affleck’s twin brother “Barney” is mentioned.
• Really bad ADR is used.

  TWO SHOTS WHEN:

• The guy with the crossbeam walks past in the background.
• Jay tells a story that makes no sense and goes nowhere.
• Kevin Smith uses the word “ostensibly”.
• A comment is made about Ben Affleck’s “peeps”.
• Ben Affleck complains about Kevin Smith’s use of background scenery.

  THREE SHOTS WHEN:

• A characters hair changes drastically between scenes and everyone groans…

• Wow, it’s a small internet out there. Bill Hunt, editor the The Digital Bits, hands down the best DVD site on the internet (we visit it daily), checked in with us to let us know not only that they’ve got the internet’s first review of the HIGHLY anticipated Mallrats: Special Edition DVD, but that they’re News Askew fans as well. Pretty cool stuff. We’re told our preview copy is ALSO on the way (we HOPE), and will of course post our own take on the disc as soon as it’s in our grubby little hands.

In the meantime, rather than take their copy, we suggest you surf over to the ‘Bits and read the Mallrats review. As expected, the disc did not disappoint in the least. We warn you, though, once you read this review, July 20th is gonna seem a LONNNNNNNNNG time away!

• We had a few questions for JM Kenny, one of the producers of the upcoming Mallrats DVD, and he was happy to answer them for us. We thought these would be the Top 5 on everyone’s mind, so here ya go:

Kevin will be promoting the disc in the New York area on July 20th also, with an appearance on Howard Stern’s radio program as well as a signing session at the Virgin Megastore in NYC! Don’t miss it.

• Here it is, your first look at the Mallrats DVD: This ad confirms a TON of special features that we’ve been drooling over having the chance to see for what seems like forever! Nothing really NEW revealed here, but it is kinda sweet to see the actual package and ad in all its glory, isn’t it? Kinda makes things more “real”. It’s really gonna happen! Anyway, click the thumb to see a full size scan of this monster, sure to be the crown jewel of you DVD collection. Man, this anamorphic version’s gonna look SWEET on my 16:9 TV! Hell, it’s so good you should even buy it if you DON’T have a player. You will someday anyway, right?

• Yet another theme has been designed for your Win95 desktop! This one salutes Mallrats. Grab your copy HERE or from Files Askew.

• Well, unless you live in a hole somewhere (and probably even if you do), you’ve heard about or watched the Mallrats airing on ABC. That’s right: A Kevin Smith flick on network TV. Who’d have ever thought we’d see the day? Naturally, a good portion of the dialogue was butchered to make the flick network-friendly, but, in the process, we also caught a few short snippets of new stuff, a nice preview to what we’ll see in the Special Edition.

SCENE 1 – TS asking Brandi to pretend she’s Superman revealing his secret to Lois in the beginning before kissing her and carryinger to the station wagon.

SCENE 2 – TS and Brodie parking the car in the morning and walking to the mall, where TS blames Brodie for his fallout with Brandi and Brodie giving his “nugget” of advice.

SCENE 3 – The dialogue about Svenning graduating “cum laude in ‘69″ is replaced by Brodie asking him about how shiny the ring was and Svenning saying how he doesn’t have time to polish his ring.

SCENE 4 – Tricia asking La Fours to help her with her project as he’s looking at the rope Bob is hanging from.

SCENE 5 – Different footage of Shannon and Tricia in bed is used. It shows them just after the sex. This one had them after sex, laughing, and joking around

SCENE 6 – The cops coming in to arrest Svenning after the TV executives asks Brodie about hosting a television show.

Edited Material…

• Wondering what changed? Did you catch it all? This doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface, after all, Mallrats isn’t exactly the movie that you’d have thought would EVER hit network TV. We’ve compiled a list from what we’ve heard and seen ourselves, it’s not complete, but it gives you an idea of some of the ridiculous things a network censor will have a character say or do to make a movie airable:
• Edited out the words fart, damn and hell
• “fart” becomes “vomit”; Brodie: “Did you ever vomit in front of her?”
• “goin’ down” becomes “foolin’ around”
• “slept with” becomes “spoke with”
• “sex” becomes “the session” (how p.c. can you get?)
• “boobs” becomes “body”
• “retarded” becomes “ecstatic”
• “retard” becomes “reject”
• The mysterious gray towel that appeared over Svenning’s ass at the beginning
• Trisha Jones’ “Speaking Sessions”
• Why was Jay so badly dubbed half the time? Whoever they hired to do it didn’t even sound like Jason Mewes! Although, it was kind of funny whenever Jay’s voice changed in half-sentence…
• kept cutting short the shot of Jay & Silent Bob’s “blueprints” for the demolition of the set so I could only catch a fleeting glimpse of the last pic of the two of them celebrating.
• Brodie saying (”… and when I’m relaxed, I get sick.”)
• “Rug Munchers” now just “Rugs”.
• Brodie’s “Holy Shit!” replaced with “Holy snot!”
• They cut out the Shannon Hamilton at Rahway Correctional Facility at the end.
• whole extra-minute (or so) of Svenning dancing after the security peeps hall Brodie and TS was too long
• “Fly fatass, fly!” was edited out along with “Boregasem” (Bored-on?)
• “All it took was a fat karate punch?”
• The first Ben-Doherty ass slap (I believe it was going up the escalator) was cut, the second (in the Foot Locker-type store) was kept in and the third (and oh boy, you’d better believe this gets me) by Doherty was also kept in. Benny’s only batting .500 on ass-slaps ladies and gentlemen, while Brenda bats 1.000
• Brandi talk about Julie Dwyer having the “biggest rear” in school
• No stink-palm
• Of course, all curses were dubbed over. The person they had dub over Jay’s lines sounded NOTHING like him. It was the worst of the bunch.
• The opening Cousin Walter monolouge was cut. Instead they played a remixed version of “Social” over the establishing shots of the mall. The other Cousin Walter story is cut altogether.
• The part where Shannon is beating up Brodie in the hallway: Shannon says, “I like to fuck girls in an uncomfortable place.” Then Brodie says, “Like in the back of a Volkswagen?” Well, in the ABC version, Shannon says, “I like to take girls on cheap dates.” Brodie says his line and the whole running joke is ruined. It made no sense.
• The bookstore scene where Jay and Silent Bob are reading. Silent Bob’s reading “Mike, Spike Slacker’s and Dykes”, they cut out the dykes part of the book.
• The second “Cousin Walter’ Scene was totally cut.
• Brenda refers to Willam as “jerk” instead of “dick”.
• “what sounds Bordie would make” was cut to just “That’s too personal” and the audience was laughing.
• The comics in the credits that had questionable material (”Buttman”, “Weapon seX”, “The Fantastic Two” and “The Man”) weren’t fully shown.
• During the Ivanna scenes, there were more shots of TS and Brodie. To hide the breasts, the shot was cropped so you can only see her head When Ivanna approaches Brodie a different angle, one that showed her from behind, was used.
• “At Universal Studios, Florida” was cut from text about what happened to TS and Brandi.
• Closing credits weren’t show with Jay and Silent Bob walking off. They were put on the side of the screen with commercials of ABC shows running on the other side. “Jay and Silent Bob will return in ‘Chasing Amy’” wasn’t shown at all.