Q : Are videos available of actor Ben Affleck’s earliest role, on thePBS series Voyage of the Mimi?

A : It took four years to shoot the two Mimi series, about a boy whogoes on scientific expeditions with his sea-captain grandpa. Filmingbegan in 1981, when Ben was just 8. Even then, he was cute enough tomake girls forget about whales and other creatures of the deep. If youwant the videos of young Ben, he’d better make you forget about yourwallet too: It’s $450 for all 25 episodes, still used as educationaltools in schools; or $300 per series on CD-ROM, from SunbrustCommunications (1-800-321-7511).

THE INTERNET is abuzz with chat that the glorious Emma Thompson is withchild. She dropped out of the film “Dogma”, in which she was to play God,and announced from Cannes that she will take a 12-month breather from moviesso she can write a screenplay about Chilean freedom fighter and folk singerVictor Jara.

If the brilliant and forthright Emma is pregnant, she will probably say so.But leaving a movie in which she had a small, unstrenuous role and devotinga year to writing are not the usual signs of impending motherhood.

Before she skipped from “Dogma,” Emma told roving reporter Baird Jones: “Iplay God in a cameo role. I don’t know how I feel about its just being acameo; I mean, shouldn’t God be the lead? … Goodness, my first deity! Isuppose it will make me very pretentious and I’ll be walking around wishinga plague of frogs on people when they displease me.”

Premiere’s Top Ten

1.) Armageddon

The Pitch : With an asteroid the size of Texas hurtling toward the third rock from the sun, NASA (headed by Billy Bob Thornton) decides that a motley crew of oil drillers has the right stuff to blast it to smithereens from outer space. Awaiting the safe return of her father (Bruce Willis) and lover (Ben Affleck) is an earthbound Liv Tyler.

Off-Camera : Director Michael Bay (“The Rock”) says screenwriter Jonathan Hensleigh (“Jumanji”) came to him with a novel concept: “What if we make this great asteroid movie, and make it totally real and not this hokey bullshit?” (Of course, the concept seems a little less novel considering Armageddon follows “Deep Impact” by two months.) Willis was cast, holding up his end of a two-picture deal he made with Disney execs after they bailed him out of the aborted Broadway Brawler. Steve Buscemi, the mission’s comic relief, is in one-liner heaven after having his role cleverized by “Con Air” scribe Scott Rosenberg. Bay also confims that the late Michael Hutchence, INXS‘s lead singer, read for a part as one of the oil drillers. He didn’t get the role.

News from the front : “Good Will Hunting” was released during the Armageddon shoot, and as Affleck’s star rose, so did the on-set battle of the biceps between the film’s action heroes. “Bruce was like, ‘What is [Affleck] wearing a tank top for?’ ” Bay recalls. “So I said to Bruce, ‘I want women to see this, too.’ I think he took offense, but I didn’t mean it to be offensive.” Willis didn’t flinch, however, at having a grown-up daughter in the film. “I said, ‘Bruce, we’re going to have to put some graying in your temples,’ ” producer Jerry Bruckheimer (The Rock, Con Air) says. “He said, ‘Go for it. Just don’t make her too old.’ ” Affleck concedes that he plays the “young hero guy,” but insists he’s a pussycat at heart. “I would’ve been, like, ‘The asteroid’s coming!’ ” he says. ” ‘Let’s all hide in the basement!’ ” The actors had to wear 65-pound spacesuits while filming on the asteroid set, a huge soundstage filled with smoke, dust, and noxious fumes. Willis told Bay he wasn’t coming out of his trailer (known on the set as BruceWorld) until the director suited up and felt his pain. “I came out after lunch and did 35 push-ups,” Bay says. “I’m running around like this is no big deal, you guys are a bunch of wimps. I never told anybody, but man, my body was so tweaked after that.”

Prediction : We have liftoff $260 million. (Touchstone, July 1)

‘Armageddon’ draws snickers at Cannes

By BRUCE KIRKLAND — Toronto Sun

CANNES — Armageddon came much too soon for Bruce Willis at the Cannes FilmFestival early yesterday morning.

A rough assemblage of footage from the big Hollywood thriller, which issupposed to be one of the summer’s blockbusters, was shown in themarketplace at Cannes to tease some hype out of a gaggle of journalistshere. But the ploy by the Disney marketers may have backfired, part of anincreasingly testy reaction to hype at Cannes this year.

The Armageddon footage generated unintentional laughs, according to aBritish Fleet Street journalist who attended. “And Bruce Willis, who wasthere for the last few minutes of the presentation, heard the laughs. Ithink he went away really pissed off. This was all a really bad idea.”

Armageddon is yet another end-of-Planet-Earth thrillers, this one forrelease July 1.

Those bad boys from “Clerks” are back.Jay and Silent Bob, those two loveable (and pathetic) characters fromwriter/director Kevin Smith‘s films, have been reborn as action figures.Graphitti Designs will unleash the two action figures on an unsuspectingworld this September, and just like the characters themselves, these toysare guaranteed to offend.

“These characters have great depth, although it’s not always sociallyacceptable stuff,” says Graphitti Designs President Bob Chapman. “Still,there’s a lot of fun to be had here. These charactersare being presentedin the same style they are in the films, so I think fans will get a kickout of them.”

Jay and Silent Bob first appeared in kevin Smith’s black-and-whiteindie film phenomenon “Clerks” as two worthless guys hanging out infront of a convenience store, talking trash and selling drugs.Subsequent appearances in Smith’s “Mallrats” and “Chasing Amy” have onlyincreased the characters’ popularity, leading to 11 MTV short films, aswell as their own comic books from Oni Press (Oni Double Feature #1 andan upcoming mini series). Now, with the action figures, Jay and SilentBob have truly hit cult status.

“It’s funny, because when [Clerks] played in theaters, it was like ahighbrow crowd, so in all the reviews, nobody ever really talked aboutJay and Slient Bob,” Smith says. “I never really felt the characters hadmuch of an impact, but I’d already written them into “Mallrats”regardless. When those characters came up onscreen, people justexploded, because clerks had gone to video at that point, so the secondaudience found that film, the audience who sit around and go, [inhaling]’Jay and Silent Bob rock!’, those kind of guys. There was just instantcharacter recognition.”

Graphitti designs assembled a crack team to turn Jay and Silent Bobinto action figures. Comics pro Matt Wagner (Grendel, Mage), whoillustrated the Oni Double Feature, created the initial designs. Afterthat, Graphitti enlisted the aid of top sculptor Norm DeCarlo. “Norm wasone of the primary sculptors on ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’ and ‘ToyStory’,” Chapman says. He brings some great credibility to the job; hehas impeccable credentials. Kevin’s seen [the figures], and he’s veryhappy.”

In order to make the toys as unique as the characters themselves,Graphitti Designs has pulled out all the stops. “we’re putting in voicechips,” chapman says, “so each character can have sound bites withthem.” Jay will have six different expressions, including “SnootchieBootchies” and “Naga-Noonch!” As for Silent Bob…well, in keeping withthe character’s stoic nature, Silent Bob will be appropriately silent.”It’ll be the talking Silent Bob figure,” Chapman laughs. “He’ll havethe button on his back, but say nothing.”

The action figures come fully loaded with tons of politically incorrectaccessories. Both characters feature interchangeable hands, Silent Bob’sholding an, er, illegal cigarette and Jay’s “flipping the bird.” SilentBob also comes with a six-pack of beer (with two cans missing), a cartonof smokes, a set of crash goggles and two sets of blueprints used in themovie “Mallrats.” The Jay figure will feature a stash baggie and waterpipe, as well as interchangeable T-shirt decals. “Krypto the dog willalso be an accessory,” Chapman says,”the dog from Oni Double Feature #1.He’s kind of tri-podding, with his front paws on the ground, but thenrather than his rear legs being on the ground, there’s something elsetouching instead. [laughs] We’re going to be in big trouble here!”

Chapman realizes that the nature of these action figures may alienatesome buyers, but he believes that most fans will respond favorably. “I’msure there’ll be some people who’ll give us a lot of crap for thesefigures,” Chapman admits, “But they’re fun, they’re in the same attitudethat the film characters are in, and if it offends people, I’m sorry.But you could have these or you could have more big-breasted women.What’s more offensive? At least these are the way they’re portrayed inthe movies. If you think these are offensive, cast your vote by whetheror not you buy them. I feel real good about these, and we’re going fullspeed ahead.

Byline reads : Scott Brick was not offended in any way while writing this story.Though he was slightly frightened by the dog. And has has absolutely noclue what “Snootchie bootchies” means.