Randal: (off magazine) Says here that they’re clamping down on movies, because they’re too influential on America’s youth.

Dante: Must be an election year.

Randal: Do I detect a note of governmental incredulity in that snarky remark?

Dante: Of course. Movies aren’t what’s wrong with the youth in this country. Movies are only as influential as a weak mind allows them to be.

Randal: I don’t know. I spent two years looking for a girl-net-door-type-hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold to marry after I saw “Pretty Woman.”

Dante: I rest my case. If they’re going to regulate what we see in theaters for fear of inciting kids to do insane things, where will it stop?

Randal: I’ll tell you where it should start–the worst, most influential flick on our culture that’s ever come down the pike.

Dante: “Titanic”?

Randal: “The Wizard of Oz.”

Dante: “THE WIZARD OF OZ”?!? IT’S AN AMERICAN CLASSIC!

Randal: An American classic that’s corrupted the most young minds. Everyone sees the movie about the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion when they’re kids, right? And look at it’s eventual effect on the masses–I’d say almost everybody I’ve ever met in life is either brainless, heartless, or chicken-shit. Hell–most are all three.

Dante: Oh, brother…

Randal: And let’s not stop there. Let’s get rid of “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” too.; One honest guy shaking things up in our government?! Please–”Smokey and the Bandit” is more plausible. And let’s get rid of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” before sad-sack teens start offing themselves just to see if an angel will show them how different everything would be if they’d never been born. Hell–let’s get rid of all the Jimmy Stewart movies while we’re at it.

Dante: I take it you’re being facetious.

Randal: Duh. I’m with you, man–people should quit blaming movies for social ills. Because there’s never been a single movie ever made–not one–that’s influenced how anyone thinks.

Dante: (off cash register) Hey–the drawer’s stuck. I can’t get it to open.

Randal: Use the Force.