In other TV news, it’s getting harder to put off adding Showtime to your cable: Michael C. Hall’s Dexter has already been granted a Season 2, and now Variety reports that David Duchovny will start in an untitled drama pilot about a charming character named Hank Moody, “a novelist trying to raise a kid on his own while battling an addiction to sex and drugs.” (If only Charlie Sheen didn’t have Two and a Half Men…)

The premium cable network has also signed Kevin Smith to its pilot of the British import Manchild, a title I’d only heard of because it starred Buffy’s Anthony Stewart Head on the BBC. Smith will be joined in his make-believe midlife crisis by Sex and the City’s John Corbett and Rome’s James Purefoy. (This is where I second my editor’s first thoughts: “a) Can he act? There’s a reason he played a guy named Silent Bob, and b) Smith’s middle-aged enough to be facing a midlife crisis? Damn, we’re old.”)

DRE: Oh you weren’t planning on directing?

Joey: No, I was never one of those people that thought “What I really want to do is direct.” It just never occurred to me and other people took the script seriously and believe in it before I did. The script did turn out to be a somewhat personal story and I tried really hard to portray the South in a very real way and respect the people there instead of caricaturizing them. It became that I didn’t trust anyone else to direct it and they weren’t going to get the directors I wanted like Michael Apted or Bruce Beresford. The directors they were talking were people I’d never heard of. I wanted to pick the music; I wanted to pick the locations, I wanted to be there when they edit it and that’s what a director does. So for a little while I was going to do both until I came to my senses and realized I don’t know enough about directing to do both.

DRE: You’ve worked with some great directors who have done similar films like Richard Linklater and Kevin Smith. Did you learn anything about this type of film from working with them?

Joey: Yeah, they definitely made it look easy. Rick and Kevin are both so laid back. You don’t see them lose it much. Unfortunately I probably learned more from the bad directors; because when things are going well you don’t really question it. Whereas if you’ve been in your trailer for eight hours, you have a tendency to walk out on set and go, “What the fuck is going on?” Then you start looking at the shot list and thinking “Why did the director decide to shoot that? If he would have shot this and this and this we would have been out of here by now.” Also the bad directors think they know everything and having been an actress, I was aware of every department on a film so I know the language. I know the teamsters are really important, which they don’t teach you in film school, but if you mess with the teamsters you don’t get your generator. Since I was aware of what I didn’t know and where my weaknesses lay, I surrounded myself with really talented people and turned to them often and said, “What do I do now?”

BE: So is the “Clerks” animated film ever gonna happen, or are they waiting to see how well “Clerks 2” does on home video?

KS: No, I mean, if they had their druthers over at the Weinstein Company, it’d be done. But it’s just a matter of finding time to sit down and do it, and getting up the passion for it. I would hate to rush out there with something just because, “Well, ‘Clerks 2′ is out, let’s get this thing out there.” So once I have enough jokes and material, I think I’ll move forward.

BE: And what’s the status of “Ranger Danger and the Danger Rangers” and the so-called “Untitled Kevin Smith Horror Project”?

KS: I mean, the horror flick will go before “Ranger Danger.” “Ranger Danger” is something I want to wait on until I’ve got a few more years (of) experience and whatnot, but the horror movie I think we’re probably going to end up doing next. But I haven’t started writing that yet, either. “Clerks 2” was a real year-long process for me, of wrapping up and shooting and cutting and promoting and releasing and then working on the DVD. So, lately, I’ve just been hanging out, watching TV, playing Scrabble. I’ve been in the “entertain me” mode more than I’ve been in the “I will entertain” mode.

BE: Did you catch the “Smallville” episode last week, where they brought on Green Arrow?

KS: No! They asked me to be in that episode, too, but I couldn’t do it because I was out of town.

BE: I haven’t seen it yet, either, but I saw the preview and wanted to ask you about it.

KS: They asked me to play…I guess he robs a comic book store, and they asked me to be the guy who runs the comic book store, so I thought that was very sweet and I would’ve done it in a heartbeat, but I just couldn’t be there for it.

BE: So when are we going to see “Jersey Girl: The Extended Cut” on DVD? I know it’s been played at your annual Vulgarthon in New Jersey, so I figured we’d see it sooner than later.

KS: Yeah, I don’t know. Last year, we said to Buena Vista, “Can we put this out?” And they said, “Let’s wait a few years.” It would’ve been easier to do if Bob and Harvey were still at Miramax and that relationship still existed, but now, I really don’t have anyone over at Buena Vista that I’m tight with, so it’s much harder to make your case. Basically, they’re like, “‘Jersey Girl’? Why would we bother?” So, sooner or later, we will. I mean, at the end of the day, it moves good units for them. But they seem to be the only act in town who aren’t, like, “Yeah, man, fuck, let’s go again!” Like, Columbia/Tri-Star was, “Let’s do a ‘Dogma’ extended edition!” And I’m, “Really? We’ve already done two ‘Dogma’ DVDs.” But these cats are kind of dragging their heels.

Director Kevin Smith acting in Showtime pilot

Director Kevin Smith and British actor James Purefoy have joined the cast of the Showtime comedy pilot “Manchild.”

The project, based on a BBC series, revolves around a group of fortysomething male friends (Smith, Purefoy,John Corbett, Paul Hipp) who are knee-deep in midlife crises.

Smith will play Paul, the cynic of the group, an angry divorced guy who loathes himself, his ex and his ex’s perfect new husband.

Purefoy will play Joe, the ad hoc leader of his circle of pals. He is attractive, polished, virile and wealthy, goes to the hottest new clubs and doesn’t date anyone over 25.

If “Manchild” goes to series, it will mark Smith’s first regular primetime gig. He executive produced ABC’s short-lived animated series “Clerks,” based on his critically acclaimed indie feature. Onscreen, Smith is best known as Silent Bob, a character he has played in most of his movies, most recently in “Clerks II.”

Purefoy stars as Mark Anthony on the HBO series “Rome,” which is wrapping production on its second and final season. His feature credits include “Vanity Fair,” “Resident Evil” and “A Knight’s Tale.”

Mooby’s Fun Meal box and contains: Clerks 2 Collector’s Edition, Mooby’s drink cup, Mooby’s Name Tag and Mooby’s Funployee Logo Visor. The back panel of the box with all of the games includes: a. aMAZEing fun (you guessed it, it’s a maze) b. Mooby’s sing-a-long c. Mooby’s Mega Word Search d. Connect the dots (connect the dots and it becomes a “leaf”) Writer-director Kevin Smith returns to the scene of his cult comedy classic Clerks to pick up his nothing-is-sacred style of humor…and push it right over the edge! Ten years after the original, slacker heroes Dante (Brian O’Halloran) and Randal (Jeff Anderson) have become “funployees” at Mooby’s fast food. In addition to offending customers and debating anything and everything, their responsibilities now include ragging on their uber-nerd co-worker (Trevor Fehrman) and teasing their sexy manager (Rosario Dawson). But when Dante announces his plan to leave New Jersey, Randal plots a shocking and hysterical going-away party that will alter their lives forever. Featuring cameos by Ben Affleck, Jason Lee, Wanda Sykes, and the triumphant return of Jay and Silent Bob.

…If it’s any consolation, I almost had a run-in with some criminal activity as well.

On our way to the car after the event, Jen, Chay and I picked up a tail: two junkie-looking fucks who took an interest in our turn into the dark alley masquerading as the lot where we were parked. With one of the dudes hanging back a bit as lookout, the other guy picked up his pace heading toward us, while at the opposite end of the alley, two other guys started making their way toward our vehicle as well. I’m generally not the paranoid type, but this definitely felt like a turkey shoot. As I hurried the ladies to the car, I pressed the alarm button on my keychain, which starts the repeated honking and flashing lights cycle… and calls a great deal of attention to the vehicle. This startled our predators enough to slow their pace, and we piled into the car, as the dudes at the other end of the alley started yelling “What the fuck?!” – either at us or the two dudes behind us who’d now stopped cold. Doors slammed and locked, I did a General Lee out of that lot, rocketing by a pair of ratty looking fuckers who offered us pretty pissed (and disappointed) expressions.

Y’know how, from time to time, you get that “Something bad’s about to happen here” feeling? Like there’s some kind of buried instinct that starts screaming at you in moments of possible impending peril? This was most definitely one of those times. No weapons were brandished, mind you; but I got the distinct impression that our trio was a cunt-hair away from being introduced to the business-end of something… not very nice. For years, I always wondered why Ford included that forced alarm button on the keys to the Expedition; like, who’d want to set their car alarm off on purpose? Now I get it.

If you’re heading over to the event this evening, please make sure you park in a very well-lit area. Hollywood at night is about as dangerous as any other city – which means that if you stay on the road and off the moors, you should be fine. But just the same, since the event will, more than likely, get out late, I’d suggest staying alert on your way back to your car/hotel. Never forget that there are some desperate (or just flat-out evil) people in the world, and they’re always looking for a pigeon/easy mark.

And, yes: I can appreciate the utter irony in that last sentence, considering I was on my way home from an event where I was charging fifty bucks to sit around and watch some DVD extras.