A morning with Kevin Smith

Filmmaker’s homecoming stretches into wee hours

By MARK VOGER – STAFF WRITER

So you’re impressed by Bruce Springsteen’s three-hour-plus shows? Another Shore native has “the Boss” beat by double, and then some.

Kevin Smith — the writer/director behind “Clerks,” “Chasing Amy” and “Jersey Girl” — turned his Red Bank homecoming into a seven-hour marathon.

Smith brought his Q&A-format program “An Evening With Kevin Smith” to the Count Basie Theatre in Red Bank on Saturday. Smith promised patrons would see “two hours of a fat guy sweating.” He surprised himself when the session lasted until 3 a.m., calling this his longest Q&A ever.

Timely reference

Many wondered if Smith — a Catholic whose religion-themed comedy “Dogma” drew controversy — would allude to the death of Pope John Paul II hours earlier. Indeed, the filmmaker opened by addressing the passing of a “man of peace,” a “little bald man” who “fed the hungry.”

“Tonight,” Smith said solemnly, “I dedicate my show to Frank Perdue.” He soon added: “And the pope died.”

As you can guess, the easily offended had no place at this show. No discussion of bodily functions, sexual peccadilloes, ex-girlfriends or bizarre “what if” scenarios was off limits.

Smith warned the first questioner that he was setting the tone for the entire evening, “so don’t be askin’ me any J.Lo questions.”

Smith cracked up when one fan began his question: “Like your friend (Ben) Affleck, I, too, am a struggling actor.”

“I am totally stealing that joke,” Smith said.

Many of the evening’s funniest moments came when Smith toyed with audience members.

When a man whose hair was dyed blue approached a microphone, Smith said, “Sir! Look at you with the blue hair, expressing your individuality.”

The man shot back: “I see you’re sporting a mullet (hairstyle).”

Smith explained he is growing his hair for an upcoming role. “I’m doing it for financial reasons,” he said. “What’s your (expletive) excuse?”

Smith said Wednesday will mark two years of sobriety for Jason Mewes, his longtime friend and co-star in “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.” Now that Mewes is sober, is he boring? “Oh, God, no. He was boring when he was stoned.”

Marathon session

This reviewer left the venue at 1:45 a.m., but my brother, niece and nephew saw the marathon through. “At one point, Kevin laid down on the stage and kept talking,” said my brother Brian, who added that the remaining audience members counted down to 3 a.m. in unison.

Reached on Monday, a Count Basie Theatre spokeswoman said: “There’s no ordinance that says we have to end the show at a certain time.”

But Smith still wasn’t finished by 3 a.m.

An employee of Jay and Silent Bob’s Secret Stash, Smith’s comic book store on Broad Street, said that following the show, Smith autographed items at the store until 7 a.m.

Not so silent: Director Kevin Smith performs in Crystal Lake

CRYSTAL LAKE – Silent Bob had plenty to talk about Sunday night at the Raue Center for the Arts during a decidedly R-rated show.

Kevin Smith, the director of “Clerks,” “Dogma,” and “Chasing Amy,” who also plays the character Silent Bob in several of his movies, performed a stand-up comedy routine that played off questions from the audience.

Clad in a long trench coat, knee-length blue jean shorts, a navy-blue baseball jersey, and gym shoes without socks, Smith began his act with a dedication to a “man of peace.”

“Because he fed the people and proved one little bald man could make a difference,” Smith joked, “I would like to dedicate this show to Frank Purdue – the chicken magnate, without whom I wouldn’t be here. Or, at least, I would be thinner.”

McHenry resident Judy Irwin, who works in the marketing department for Centegra Health System, is the 34-year-old New Jersey native’s aunt and was credited with recruiting her nephew for the show.

Irwin told the audience that the show would benefit the Raue Center and enable it to buy a $20,000 commercial DVD player that could be used to show movies it otherwise would not have access to.

“So few of them are available on 35 millimeter these days,” Irwin said. “We will be able to see wonderful films the way directors meant them to be seen. It is a great step forward for the Raue, and a step forward for film preservation.”

In response to a question about his views on downloaded music and movies, Smith said he was not worried about the impact on his industry.

People who get a sneak peek at his movies usually also go to see them at the theater and still will buy his DVDs, he said.

“I’m not like that dude from Metallica,” Smith said. “Only really a handful [download movies]. If everyone here downloaded ‘Jersey Girl,’ the movie still would have flopped.”

He said “Jersey Girl,” which starred Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, could not overcome the immense failure of their other movie, “Gigli,” and the cancellation of actors’ wedding.

“It was like telling people, ‘Hey, remember that movie that came out two months ago that you hated? Here’s another one,’ ” Smith said.

Smith said he was working on a “Clerks” sequel, the independent movie that launched his career.

Much of his act focused on adult and sexual themes, that while mostly funny, probably was not for children.

“It was very educational for them – maybe too much,” said Crystal Lake resident Ellen Morton who left the show with her husband and two sons about two hours into Smith’s show. “It was pretty body.”

Phil and Teresa Bellah made what they said was more than an hour-long trek to the Raue Center for the show from Crest Hill.

Phil Bellah said he identified with Smith’s unique sense of humor, while his wife said she liked his comedic take on religious issues.

“A lot of people don’t understand where he is coming from,” Teresa Bellah said. “No rel

BOP’s mood is best described as conflicted as we report the following news. Blue Collar Films, the production company of Paul Walker (yikes!), has cast Paris Hilton (egads!) and Jason Mewes (woohoo!) as the leads in the upcoming bartender comedy, Bottoms Up. Our beloved Mewes is best known as Kevin Smith AKA Silent Bob’s sidekick, Jay, from the Clerks movies. Fans of these movies are so passionate that they pulled a Veronica Mars the other day when the folks at News Askew hinted that they could ballot stuff our front page poll. And it worked. Take that, Schindler’s List! Anyway, Mewes, just promise us you’ll wear condoms, dude. That not-so-forbidden fruit of hers has long since turned sour.