• Only at a Kevin Smith Q&A. I’m just back to the land of the living after resting up from what was by far the largest, craziest Q&A I’ve ever attended in the 8 years of working on News Askew. It was truly a landmark evening, as Kevin Smith marked his triumphant homecoming in Red Bank, New Jersey, to a packed crowd at the multi-level Count Basie theater.

4 lines in 4 corners up the room (upper and lower) maintained queues of around 20 strong EACH throughout the night. The average wait time per question was around 2 and a half hours. And the average question? CRAZY! But more on that in a moment. The Count Basie itself is a HUGE theater in the heart of Red Bank, a local landmark that’s been on the map since 1927. It’s been hosting live events since 1973.

The Count Basie packs in the crowds prior to showtime.

Before it was over, Kevin did what we believe was a RECORD SETTING 7 HOUR Q&A SESSION, which ran from 8:00 PM until 3:00 AM. With the one hour time change, that was actually 4 AM EST at that point, followed by Kevin doing a signing session at the Stash (which ran until 6:30 AM). We don’t believe Kevin’s even done a longer appearance, in View Askew history, and the dude’s doing it all over again TONIGHT at the Raue. But hey, what better place to set a record than Red Bank, New Jersey?

Over the years, as these Q&A sessions have become less about questions and more about just being wacky, I’ve seen some crazy stuff. The beauty of one of these is that when you walk through the doors, you just never know what you’re gonna see. And it’s always something new. Some firsts for this one:

A VA board regular named Cori took the onstage mic to sing a surpsingly decent rendition of Coal’s “Stay” while Kevin walked off and gave her the spotlight (with a funny postscript after she claimed she was nervous, yet had no problems belting it out in front of the massive crowd).

The theater went pitch black (aside from emergency lighting) early into the program. Power was quickly restored, but not before a stage hand brought out a MEGAPHONE which Kevin was about to use to address the audience.

He didn’t lay the podium down, but eventually moved it offstage.

Several fans took to the idea of passing out expired drivers licenses and ID cards (and even an empty wallet to hold them) to Kevin. No one knows why. One fan with a criminal record also revealed that he was witness to a break in of Walt Flanagan’s car, where HIS driver’s license was taken. Flanagan, in attendance, revealed that his license had been missing almost 2 years, he’d always thought he lost it, and that he never replaced it.

One fan questioned Kevin not with his voice, but with a digital voice recorder held up to the mic. In a hilarious moment, Kevin asked if the guy could actually talk for himself, at which time he held the device to the mic which simply responded, “Yes”.

Fans in the balcony kept taking dives early in the night. A total of 6 folks made heavy audible thuds during the Q&A. Chalk it up to stairs, a loose rug, or the fact that the theater served beer until around 12 midnight.

Ming sets up a happy VA-boarder with her nametag.

There wasn’t, of course, a perfect record of poignant Q&A from the audience. Far from it! At least 50 percent of those who took to the mic didn’t have a good question, or ANY question at all, but that’s part of the Q&A’s charm, as well. Kevin’s got a big talent for taking even the most nonsensical, off-topic question or remark and turning it into an entertaining answer. Whether that be a related story, a hilariosly inappropriate sexual question to the fan, or an out-and-out heckle, something fun almost always comes out of each round. And that’s what keeps us coming back. You’re going to hear something at a Q&A that you’ll never hear again. The magic just happens. This isn’t a canned performance, and once it’s over, you’ll never see it again.

Of course, among the chaos, there’s always some properly worded questions that DO elicit some interesting remarks or information about upcoming events. And thanks to those of you that asked the direct, coherent questions that got these answers out of Kev. Oh, if only there were more of you. Here’s what you might like to know:

• The shooting schedule: Clerks 2 starts in June, Fletch Won in April 2006. “Ranger Danger” is still on the bubble. Kevin has a dream cast for the project, but isn’t giving up many names. He’d love to cast Mewes in a role.
• Scripts have been turned in for both Spidey/Black Cat and Target. Black Cat seems to be the first that will be completed, with Dodson back from hiatus and Kevin writing the final script this month. This was, as always, a popular question and an easy topic to razz Kev about.
• Zach Braff was again named as a definite front-runner for Fletch (to much applause).
• They’re going to be building a Quick Stop SET in Los Angeles to film Clerks 2, though some of the film WILL still shoot at the actual quick stop (we’re guessing exteriors, but it wasn’t made clear). Kevin’s keeping the Black & White to Color gag/moment under his hat, though the film will still feature both.
• The Clerks cartoon is still set for direct DVD release. The plot will revolve around Randal and Dante making a 16mm black and white film about working at Quick Stop and RST.
• “Now You Know” (Jeff Anderson’s film) should find its way to DVD in the next 6 months.

I’ve gotta admit, having seen Kevin do the Q&A thing quite a few times now, my favorite moments always are when things go way off-topic, so I can’t say I hate the questions that end up going nowhere. After about 4 hours sitting in a theater chair though, it does admittedly get a bit frustrating to have someone come to the mic and ramble on about their lives or mention the previous 3 questions they WANTED to ask, but were already asked, before finally getting to a question they made up on the spot just to have something to say. But there were some true moments of hilarity to ensue from exchanges like this, as well — How can you top Kevin’s imitation of Springsteen doing Jay’s deleted “finger bang” sequence from Jay and Bob? You’re likely to never see or hear it again — But it was priceless.

Kevin’s very careful to not repeat any jokes or stories from the previous “Evening With” disc, though last night’s appearance did bring in some classic anecdotes, both old and new. Newer material covers stories about his family, primarily daughter Harley, with tales of her first experiences watching Jay & Bob, and her use (or lack thereof) of profanity. We also heard a classic tale (many for the first time) of Affleck’s thanksgiving dinner with George Lucas and Steven Spielberg, and a funny visual gag on Jason Lee’s reaction when being cast in the Brodie role for Mallrats. Always a fun one. Late in the night, Kevin even shared a funny personal story about the Ben/Jen breakup, and Jen’s 2-hour visit to Kevin’s house when she was trying to repair the relationship before it ended.

Kev addresses a question from the balcony.

Comics and comic book movies were also a surprisingly welcome topic of the evening. Normally this sort of topic comes up a bunch more at the Con Q&A sessions (which seem to be the ones that stay on topic the most these days), but last night quite a bit of time was spent on Kevin’s favorite books, past and present. Kevin also told a very animated tale of his geek-like love of seeing Yoda kick ass in Attack of the Clones, his excitement for Episode III, and a fun tale about his excitement at the end of X2 when the Phoenix storyline was hinted at (followed by Jen’s disdain).

The local flair of the appearance last night can’t be matched, either. The crowd was predominantly a local one, which made for a very charming, different atmosphere than any Q&A I’ve attended before. You could sense the kinship between the locals who attended or were attending Kev’s alma mater, relationships between teachers they shared, quips about local businesses (”Prowns Has Everything” for example) that only the locals could appreciate. And I learned that Red Bank citizens got no love for folks from Staten Island. None.

In addition to the local scene, Kevin again drew a geographically diverse crew into the mix. I overheard fans from the UK, noticed quite a few that had been on the west coast with me just days earlier, and many of those taking the mic were from Canada. Thanks to all of you who asked the good questions, I like to feel that those are the folks who frequent this site and View Askew’s site. By the end of evening though, you could definitely sense the crowd’s disdain for folks who went to the mic just to try and be outrageous, or bizarre. Then again, it takes a special kind of soul to jump into a 12-person long line (which, times 4, equals about 40 or so folks to go before you, give or take) at 2 in the morning after 6 hours of Q&A.

I’ve been trying to be a bit more brazen to get some nicer photos to include for you fine folks on the site — These events are very dimly lit (this being one of the darkest ever) so I did at one point make my way up to the stage to try and get some close shots for a moment. Sadly, after around 15 seconds, a guy with a security t-shirt gave me a shove, swore at me, and told me to move. I tried to explain to the dude that I was just taking some quicks snaps for Kev’s website, but he just got more pissed. Sorry, folks.

After 3 hours’ drive each way and the marathon Q&A, it’s time to take a little decompression time. Even though I don’t think she reads this stuff, big thanks to my girlfriend Heather for taking on the driving duties in some miserable weather (we had downpours and high winds all day in the PA/NJ area yesterday). If it wasn’t for her, I may have driven off a cliff somewhere.

Also, big thanks to Kevin and Ming for hook us up with the tix — Right Orchestra, just a row back from the right-side mic. A great spot for all of us “special guests”. The Stash was looking spectacular as always, it was quite surreal to hit both Stash stores in under a week. Sad to have missed the beer busts earlier in the day, I had no idea that Red Bank had such a buzzing night life along Monmouth Street now (no fewer than 3 bars had music jamming out of the doors and windows as we made the chilly walk up the street after leaving the show). Such a hip little town.

Kevin’s doing it all over again in Illinois tonight — Have a blast at the show, folks, and remember, TRY and keep your questions on topic — Or at least have something fun to say. But hey, if you don’t, not to worry — Kevin’s a pro.