– I get to the NBC lot, go through security, and get to the “Tonight Show.” I’m in my guest room about a minute before Leno drops by (he chit-chats with all the guests before the show). I ask him about what he’ll do at the end of the four years – like if he’ll just do more stand-up. He reminds me that 150 nights out of the year (three nights a week), he’s doing stand-up somewhere other than the show. The dude’s work ethic is insane. Kristin Powers from Talk/Miramax Books comes by as Jay’s leaving, as does Dave Berg, the segment producer. We go over the stuff I’m gonna be talking about until Andy McElfresh (my “Roadside Attractions” partner-in-crime) shows up. Andy and I catch up as the show begins, and then he’s off, back to an editing suite to finish his piece for tomorrow night’s show.

– I watch the show in my guest room and am floored by how fucking boring and what a terrible interview the “O.C.” chick is. I’ve now been a couch guest five or six times on “Tonight”, always as the second interview, and have figured out that there’s this delicate balance you want in the guest who comes before you: you want them to be good, but not great. You want them to warm the audience up, so that when you get out there, you’re not facing a sleepy crowd. At the same time, you don’t want the first guest to kill – otherwise you’re gonna have a tough time impressing the audience. The “O.C.” chick offers nothing. It’s dead quiet out there – which makes my job harder, because I’ve gotta be even funnier than I planned on being and win the crowd within the first thirty seconds or risk tanking harder than the chick who just said she was lucky enough to be in Rome when the Pope died.

– I’m sweating profusely (natch), so I get a litttle powder in the makeup room and trim my beard a touch. I get wired up and after the Human Ambien’s segment is over, I head backstage to go on, post-commercials.

– I do my segment.

– Post-show, I talk to Rob Thomas for a few seconds, say goodbye to Jay. Debbie Vickers (the producer of the show and a chick I really dig) tells me I killed, and Dave Berg thanks me for a great segment. I head back to my dressing room where I talk with a guy who pops in to tell me he used to be an accountant on the “Clerks” cartoon, and how ABC fucked it up. Then Andy comes by the give me the thumbs up on the segment, as does Kristin and John Melendez (aka Stuttering John). John and I bullshit for awhile about Howard and the Sirius move, as well as other non-Howard related stuff. Forty five minutes later, it’s just me and Kristin, and we go over stuff we wanna do for the book (I opt against taking out magazine ads, as it’s a waste of money, and agree to do an interview on Air America if they can get me in), including a celebratory “We Sold Out the First Printing” signing party we’re thinking of doing at the Stash before I head off to “Catch.” I drop Kristin off at the front door of the studio where her car’s waiting, and I head home.