• Finally today, sad news, indeed…We reported this rumor quite a long time ago, but now it’s come sadly true. Indeed, bad news for Brodie fans all over the world:

• We’ve discussed this before, but here’s some more official-sounding news on Miramax DVDs:

Now, this is just from a newsgroup, but it sounds close to accurate. With GWH on the horizon, Clerks and Amy are sure to follow, at least before Dogma hits theatres (a theatrical tie-in ALWAYS moves units)…But the $39.95 price tag is ridiculously high. It’ll be tough to sell a large volume at that price…The Max should take a cue from Warner, who retails their stuff at $24.95 even when it’s full of extras. Hopefully they’ll come to their senses before the discs hit the market.

• As promised, we’ve got some scans from the Chasing Amy Manga comic available ONLY in Japan. It’s not the best work we’ve seen, by far, but it’s still pretty neat to look at these things. Hopefully VA doesn’t sue these guys over copyright or anything, since we’re unsure of the legality of it all…But anyway, take a look right HERE or click the pic!

(Click This Thumbnail To See A Larger Version)

• We thought some of you may like to take a look at the panel from Jay & Bob #1 that features that USA Today reporter with the familiar-sounding name…

• We’re alive. Welcome to September. Summer’s almost over here in the States, and man, did it ever fly! Anyone overseas want to put us up for a few months so we can skip Winter over here? Anyway, we’ve got a good little update for you today with news on pretty much every facet of Askew…And don’t forget, our ABC Mallrats page has become a continually growing project, with lots of new material added today…Check it out!

• Kevin popped onto the board after 6 AM this morning with this great tidbit of news:

Wow. 3:20! It’s a shame the sucker can’t just run the full length. From what we know, there ARE scenes that can probably be cut without hurting the story too much, but finding an entire 50 minutes’ worth of them is going to be quite a chore. Good luck, fellas!

• Stay in style with some cool new t-shirts, now available from the Stash. These things are real nice, in fact, they’re the coolest we’ve seen outta the Stash yet:

MALLRATS T-Shirt:
Finally, a wearable that not only sports the Mallrats movie logo but famous quotes from the flick as well. This 100% cotton grey t-shirt features the neon green Mallrats logo on the front right corner and a large ‘Get Malled!’ logo on the right sleeve. But that’s not all! On the back, a constellation of quotes from the ultra-funny flick. Featured quotes include, “Do you know how long it takes for that smell to come off”, “Some pervert wanted to see me naked so badly, he busted in on me twice”, “You dumb bastard, it’s not a schooner, it’s a sailboat”, “Women want romance, not Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride”, and several more! A must have wearable!

Detailed image of the back (96K JPG)
Detailed image of the sleeve (18K GIF)

ORDER HERE
$18.00 + shipping L, and XL
$19.50 + shipping XXL and XXXL

Jay and Silent Bob Matt Wagner Round Logo T-Shirt:
You’ve got the Matt Wagner drawn sticker all over your room and wherever you look (and if you don’t, they’re only a dollar you cheap bastard – look below), now get a Jay and Silent Bob round logo on your shirt! This 100% cotton white t-shirt features a large round Matt Wagner drawn Jay and Silent Bob logo on the front (as seen on the Jay and Silent Bob’s Video Stash MTV special and on the sticker featured below). Get one today!

ORDER HERE
$18.00 + shipping L, XL
$19.50 + shipping XXL, XXXL

• In case you folks missed it, Kevin, Jimmy and Joe had a nice little interview in the most recent Wizard (#86). It’s got some cool stuff about the upcoming Daredevil work and some other tidbits. We don’t have a local copy as of yet, but if someone shoots us a transcript, we’ll have it online for you all.
• Spectrum Films has released a new Joey Lauren Adams movie called “The Pros & Cons Of Breathing”. On the cover it says “Joey Lauren Adams, Golden Globe Nominee for “Chasing Amy”.The copyright date for the flick is 1993, so this is most likely a direct to video attempting to capitalize on Joey’s name from Amy’s success. Our scooper says, “The movie isn’t very good , but JLA gives an enjoyable performance.” By the way, catch Joey and Ben in the classic “Dazed and Confused” on USA this Friday at 11 PM (though the hack job on the flick’s likely to be pretty harsh).
• For the curious: In Canada, Chasing Amy and Mallrats have both been broadcast on CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Company), sans butchery! Just goes to show you what difference a continental border makes, though CBC may be similar to our HBO here in the States…
• The Brew and View at the Vic Theatre in Chicago will be showing Clerks, starting September 3rd, as a midnight showing. If you’re in the area, drop by, it’s bound to be fun seeing the flick with a midnight crowd.
• Finally today, Clerks is breaking into a nice series of screenings in the INDEPENDENT FEATURE PROJECT. Here’s the scoop:

• We promised we’d be back and…Sure enough…We are! We’ve got a few things to catch up on, most notably the item that everyone’s talking about lately…Mallrats’ showing on ABC last night. Also, some newsbites and various other items of interest, just enough to entertain you on a Sunday evening or a slow-starting Monday…Oh, and don’t forget to vote on this week’s topic (we’re sure ya won’t). Okay, let’s do this:

• Well, unless you live in a hole somewhere (and probably even if you do), you’ve heard about or watched the Mallrats airing on ABC. That’s right: A Kevin Smith flick on network TV. Who’d have ever thought we’d see the day? Naturally, a good portion of the dialogue was butchered to make the flick network-friendly, but, in the process, we also caught a few short snippets of new stuff, a nice preview to what we’ll see in the Special Edition.

SCENE 1 – TS asking Brandi to pretend she’s Superman revealing his secret to Lois in the beginning before kissing her and carryinger to the station wagon.

SCENE 2 – TS and Brodie parking the car in the morning and walking to the mall, where TS blames Brodie for his fallout with Brandi and Brodie giving his “nugget” of advice.

SCENE 3 – The dialogue about Svenning graduating “cum laude in ‘69” is replaced by Brodie asking him about how shiny the ring was and Svenning saying how he doesn’t have time to polish his ring.

SCENE 4 – Tricia asking La Fours to help her with her project as he’s looking at the rope Bob is hanging from.

SCENE 5 – Different footage of Shannon and Tricia in bed is used. It shows them just after the sex. This one had them after sex, laughing, and joking around

SCENE 6 – The cops coming in to arrest Svenning after the TV executives asks Brodie about hosting a television show.

Edited Material…

• Wondering what changed? Did you catch it all? This doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface, after all, Mallrats isn’t exactly the movie that you’d have thought would EVER hit network TV. We’ve compiled a list from what we’ve heard and seen ourselves, it’s not complete, but it gives you an idea of some of the ridiculous things a network censor will have a character say or do to make a movie airable:
• Edited out the words fart, damn and hell
• “fart” becomes “vomit”; Brodie: “Did you ever vomit in front of her?”
• “goin’ down” becomes “foolin’ around”
• “slept with” becomes “spoke with”
• “sex” becomes “the session” (how p.c. can you get?)
• “boobs” becomes “body”
• “retarded” becomes “ecstatic”
• “retard” becomes “reject”
• The mysterious gray towel that appeared over Svenning’s ass at the beginning
• Trisha Jones’ “Speaking Sessions”
• Why was Jay so badly dubbed half the time? Whoever they hired to do it didn’t even sound like Jason Mewes! Although, it was kind of funny whenever Jay’s voice changed in half-sentence…
• kept cutting short the shot of Jay & Silent Bob’s “blueprints” for the demolition of the set so I could only catch a fleeting glimpse of the last pic of the two of them celebrating.
• Brodie saying (”… and when I’m relaxed, I get sick.”)
• “Rug Munchers” now just “Rugs”.
• Brodie’s “Holy Shit!” replaced with “Holy snot!”
• They cut out the Shannon Hamilton at Rahway Correctional Facility at the end.
• whole extra-minute (or so) of Svenning dancing after the security peeps hall Brodie and TS was too long
• “Fly fatass, fly!” was edited out along with “Boregasem” (Bored-on?)
• “All it took was a fat karate punch?”
• The first Ben-Doherty ass slap (I believe it was going up the escalator) was cut, the second (in the Foot Locker-type store) was kept in and the third (and oh boy, you’d better believe this gets me) by Doherty was also kept in. Benny’s only batting .500 on ass-slaps ladies and gentlemen, while Brenda bats 1.000
• Brandi talk about Julie Dwyer having the “biggest rear” in school
• No stink-palm
• Of course, all curses were dubbed over. The person they had dub over Jay’s lines sounded NOTHING like him. It was the worst of the bunch.
• The opening Cousin Walter monolouge was cut. Instead they played a remixed version of “Social” over the establishing shots of the mall. The other Cousin Walter story is cut altogether.
• The part where Shannon is beating up Brodie in the hallway: Shannon says, “I like to fuck girls in an uncomfortable place.” Then Brodie says, “Like in the back of a Volkswagen?” Well, in the ABC version, Shannon says, “I like to take girls on cheap dates.” Brodie says his line and the whole running joke is ruined. It made no sense.
• The bookstore scene where Jay and Silent Bob are reading. Silent Bob’s reading “Mike, Spike Slacker’s and Dykes”, they cut out the dykes part of the book.
• The second “Cousin Walter’ Scene was totally cut.
• Brenda refers to Willam as “jerk” instead of “dick”.
• “what sounds Bordie would make” was cut to just “That’s too personal” and the audience was laughing.
• The comics in the credits that had questionable material (”Buttman”, “Weapon seX”, “The Fantastic Two” and “The Man”) weren’t fully shown.
• During the Ivanna scenes, there were more shots of TS and Brodie. To hide the breasts, the shot was cropped so you can only see her head When Ivanna approaches Brodie a different angle, one that showed her from behind, was used.
• “At Universal Studios, Florida” was cut from text about what happened to TS and Brandi.
• Closing credits weren’t show with Jay and Silent Bob walking off. They were put on the side of the screen with commercials of ABC shows running on the other side. “Jay and Silent Bob will return in ‘Chasing Amy’” wasn’t shown at all.