COULDN’T HAVE ASKED FOR A BETTER WEEKEND…

Back from the dead. Or rather, feel dead. Did a lot of press in a very short amount of time. But it was worth it.

The screenings went great – way better than I’d hoped for. The press (while unanimous in their belief that the flick is too long) dug us (couldn’t ask for better pieces by Janet Maslin and Kenny Turan at the Times’ – NY and LA respectively). Granted, I’ve just read ol’ Todd McCarthy’s review for Variety, which isn’t the first thing you want to see early on a Monday morning, after you feel like you’ve succeeded. However, let him rail, I say; I don’t agree with his take on the procedings, and Todd’s reviews are hardly sacrosanct (his review of ‘Amy’ didn’t bode well for the box office of the pic, and his review of ‘Slingblade’ also insisted on cuts being made to avoid disaster; he was wrong, it seems, on both accounts).

But he’s not too far from the mark on the length issue (though his too-high estimate of 30-40 minutes is a bit laughable). Every journalist I sat down with said they dug the flick, but cuts needed to be made. They almost all threw out a figure of ten to fifteen minutes, though – a far cry from a half hour or more. So once we’ve settled in, it’s back to the Avid for some more trimming.

All that aside, Cannes was pretty sweet. Walking up the red carpet, the Palais screening, the standing ovation (which doesn’t really count in my book, as it seems they do it at every flick). Earlier the day of the screening, Pierson had told me that at the Cannes ‘Dead Man’ screening two years back, the notoriously frank French audiences not only booed (which they apparently did a few times as this fest too), but yelled directly at Jarmusch. John said “One guy waited ’til it was quiet and called out ‘JEEM! THEES EES SHEET!'” That spooked me. The whole screening, I was waiting for at least half the audience to belt out a chorus of boos when the lights came up. But even at three in the morning (when the lights came up), they were applauding, standing, whistling, with nary a catcall or “KEVEEN! CUT THEERTY MEENUTES!” interupting the good will.

Couldn’t have asked for anything more, as far as I was concerned.

On the distrib/release front, you can all put away your Artisan hats. The fools offered to take video – VIDEO, for heaven’s sake. Word was they called back Saturday afternoon after the NY and LA Times pieces hit the street, offering that perhaps they were too hasty. Needless to say, I’d like to go another way.

There’re cats who’re jockeying for position that I’m excited about, and I think Harvey wants to take his time to hear everyone out (except Artisan at this point). I’m hearing September/October as the release date now, depending on whether or not we get into the NY Film Fest. Regardless, it’ll be shortly after summer ends, if all goes well.

The other thing the critics seemed to all agree on was the complete lack of controversy the film contained. Irreverent, yes; blasphemous, no. Most agreed, too, that it was entirely pro-faith, and far from ‘anti-Catholic’ (including most of the Italian jouralists I spoke with, even though one of them is now insisting that we had some sort of ‘disastrous’ screening; go figure). Needless to say, I felt a bit vindicated by that. I am, after all, nothing else if not a booster for the faith.

All in all, a great trip, with wonderful memories, strong prospects for the future of the flick, and time spent with good friends for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Ol’ Todd’s review notwithstanding, I feel excellent.

Thirty to forty minutes…

What a maroon.

I’ve just come home from Cannes. That is no film festival: it’s a real scam! You can’t do anything if you don’t have a pass, they must be mad.

There were lots of policemen…quite amusing ones, too! They wore a very elegant uniform, and they bore a SABRE! Oh my gosh….what was their use? To “escort” those poor people up the red carpeted staircase… I really can’t understand the French. As for the “poor people”, they were surrounded by ravenous photographers yelling “BEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!”.

BTW, they butchered the pronounciation of all the names: Kevin’s surname became “Smiss” and all the others’ had strange French accents: Ben Affléck, Salma Hayék, etc…All I could do was to wait 2 hrs to be in the first row among the “normal filthy people”. I couldn’t see almost nothing because of the policemen who blocked my view! All I could see was a glimpse of Spike Lee, then Salma Hayek (the photographers adored her, she was really radiant), and fortunately, Alan Rickman, who turned in our direction (telepathy?).

Anyway, I bought some photos, I’ve scanned them and I’m sending them to you. I only bought the Alan Rickman ones because they were really pricey (you don’t know the meaning of “expensive” until you visit the French Riviera). I would have loved to buy all of them because they were very good photos, especially the ones showing Jason Mewes descending the staircase with a big haunted smile on his face. The photos have a copyright, but I really do not care! I’m immediately putting them on my page. That’s the least thing they can do after this waste of money and time.

Last, but not least, there’s a mystery: the bigger Italian newspaper reported that the Dogma screening was a catastrophe and the journos hated it. I’ve just checked the Mr Showbiz page and they wrote just the opposite! What’s up? I suspect the Italian journo was a bit offended….I wonder if he’s one of the dreaded “fanatics”.

“The title listed below (which was the “Clerks” DVD) has had a change in its suggested retail price. The new retail price is now $39.98 with a Ken Crane’s selling price of $27.99. If you still want this title please call to reorder. If you no longer want this title, please disregard this notification.”

CANNES, France — David (“Blue Velvet”) Lynch floored audiences at the Cannes International Film Festival on Friday with an eloquently simple, deeply emotional G-rated movie, “The Straight Story,” whose unassuming 79-year-old star gives the best leading performance to be seen here. And that was only the second-biggest surprise of the day.

The first involved Harvey Weinstein of Miramax, who is usually happily orchestrating Cannes brouhaha but has stayed uncharacteristically far from the spotlight this year. After Kevin Smith’s potentially controversial “Dogma” was unveiled Friday morning, Weinstein found himself in an alley outside the theater, doing something that is unheard of here: taking part in an impromptu news conference without benefit of spin.

The reason: Not even Weinstein knows what “Dogma” is up against. All that seems certain about what press notes call Smith’s “comic fantasia” is that it won’t be getting any closer than the word “fantasia” to Miramax’s corporate parent.

When Walt Disney Co. discreetly indicated that it did not want to be fielding anti-“Dogma” pickets at theme parks, Weinstein and his brother Bob dropped “Dogma” from Miramax’s roster, and then agreed to buy the $14 million film back personally and make other distribution plans.

Where does it go from here?

Into calmer waters, let us hope. Because Smith’s “Dogma” is as smart and articulate as it is wildly irreverent, with characters who try to make sense of faith just as his “Chasing Amy” characters tried to sort out love and sexual identity.

And Smith’s fusion of off-the-wall humor with serious debate never leaves the strength of his religious conviction in question. “Dogma” has an outlook best summed up by a character in Smith’s sharp-edged screenplay: “I have issues with anyone who treats God like a burden instead of a blessing.” Even if this is a film that enlists a silent Alanis Morissette to play God.

If “Dogma” winds up offending those who haven’t seen it, it isn’t likely to have that effect at closer range. Actually, it’s the rare pop entertainment with a lot on its mind, even if a meandering second half and a few gratuitous gross-outs dilute its effect. (Smith, whose cast includes Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Linda Fiorentino, Chris Rock and George Carlin, is a much better director of hilariously stubborn arguments than of action scenes.)

Calling “Dogma” anti-Catholic, Smith said Friday afternoon, “is like calling me anti-New Jersey.” And he is so fond of his home state that in “Dogma” he shows two travelers who are unable to buy bus tickets to New Jersey because of high demand.