Kevin smith’s latest movie, Dogma, has outraged US church-goers, with its “blasphemous” humour. So is he telling the Church to piss off? Let’s ask him…

Are you expecting any trouble in Britain, as there has been in America?

I don’t think so. You guys are mainly Anglican, for what it’s worth. Thanks to good old Henry VIII I’ve probably avoided a lot of heat in England.

So what resistance have you met with?

We had some protesters outside the theatre at the New York Film Festival. They weren’t really screaming or whatnot, they were singing Cumbyah. I wanted to invite them in and show them the flick, cos they just didn’t seem to know what they were protesting about. I mean, none of ‘em had seen it and the people who urged them on to protest hadn’t seen it either.

What were they so upset about?

It’s that the film was ever made. There were some news reports I saw where this guy was going, “This movie maintains that all of the apostles had active sex lives – and I’m guessing not with just their wives!” I mean, bizarre conclusions like that, things that are not in the movie. Some people think the movie says that Christ had sex. They’ve come up with these plots that don’t exist.

Have you shown it to your family?

Yeah. My mother and father were there for the New York Film Festival. My mother kinda dug Dogma, because she’s a devout Catholic as well, but she’s ever riding my ass about the language. “Must you use all that bad language?” Well, must I? No. Do I? Yes. Must we talk about this…?

The people you cast in this movie seem to have done very well for this movie since you cast them…

Boy, they really have. Everyone we cast seemed to get famous. Which puts a lot of pressure on yours truly because, now, if this movie tanks, it’s really my fault.

Whose idea was the speech in which Ben Affleck talks about people thinking he’s gay?

That had been in the script since 1994, since before I even knew what a Ben Affleck was. But he read the script in 1995, before he was very famous, and he wanted to do it then. It’s kinda funny cos Ben has been defending his, uh, heterosexuality quite vehemently as of late!

Are you worried that audiences will think of this as a Matt Damon and Ben Affleck vehicle?

There’s more of a degree of panic over people paying to get a polemic, a blasphemous film. My fear is that people are gonna be going in saying, “Can’t wait – this is the movie that tells the Church to piss off for several hours.” And then they get there and it’s not. It’s actually kinda devout.

Why Kevin Smith shouldn’t direct again. Bruce Fretts says ”Dogma” is further proof that Smith can write but has no visual flairI want to like Kevin Smith. I really do. Like me, the guy’s a bearded, married father of one who proudly lives in New Jersey. But after witnessing the mess that is ”Dogma,” I have a commandment of my own: Kevin Smith shalt never be allowed to direct another movie.

It’s not that I was offended by this irreverent, controversial theological comedy. Or that I think Smith is untalented. In fact, he’s one of the few writers with a distinctive voice working in movies today. But he needs to let another director help realize his vision.

”Dogma” has a divine premise — two banished angels (Matt Damon and Ben Affleck) try to scam their way back into heaven — and a surprisingly satisfying ending. But in between the setup and the pay-off, the movie meanders wildly. Perhaps if someone else had directed the film, he or she could’ve convinced Smith to cut, for example, the pointlesssequence in which stripper/muse Salma Hayek helps flush out a demonic monster made of excrement.

Smith’s movies look like doo-doo too. The amateurish visuals were excusable in his no-budget debut, ”Clerks,” but with two other films (the unwatchable ”Mallrats” and the uneven ”Chasing Amy”) under his belt, Smith should have developed a sharper eye by now. It’s almost as if he wears his technical incompetence as a badge of artistic integrity, à la arthouse fraud Henry Jaglom (”Eating,” etc.).

He also seems incapable of eliciting consistent performances. The acting in ”Dogma” falls all over the cinematic map, from the Shakespearean histrionics of Alan Rickman (who looks like death as an angelic eunuch) to the skate-punk slurringsof Jason Mewes and Jason Lee (two members of Smith’s repertory ensemble). Even Chris Rock seems strangely stiff as the lost 13th apostle, Rufus.

Worst of all, Linda Fiorentino’s drab turn as an abortion-clinic worker descended from the Virgin Mary sucks all the life out of the film. Her coworker, Janeane Garofalo, brings more comedic energy to her one scene than Fiorentino does to the whole movie. Garofalo would’ve made a much better lead, but maybe she was too busy torpedoing her career with ”Mystery Men.”

Of course, my commandment will never be obeyed. With all the protests giving the film reams of free press, ”Dogma’ has done better than expected at the box office ($21 million thus far). So Harvey and Bob Weinstein — who produced the film for their company Miramax, then sold it under pressure to Lions Gate — have signed Smith to a new deal. Maybe the Weinstein boys could hook Smith up with a more visually gifted director. Hey, what’s Quentin Tarantino doing these days, anyway?

By the by, I believe the ‘Dogma’ screenplay is now in stores (and at the Stash). Check it out if you can.

And see ‘Toy Story 2′. It’s wonderful.

That Bond flick, though…