Empire: You guys are all film-makers. Is that something that would excite you? Maybe in a TV series… there was talk, Kevin, of you doing a TV show.

Kevin: Doing the TV show? Absolutely.

Empire: And maybe getting a story each and doing it over an episode…

Kevin: But would you be allowed to do that? That’s the big question. No TV show is ever going to work unless that dude says ‘go, do whatever you want. I’m done.’ He maintains that he’s done now that he’s told… it used to be nine and now it’s down to six, and probably rightfully so, because where do you go after Jedi? The Empire is vanquished.

IT’S A FESTIVE AFFAIR FOR SMITH AT LA TIMES FESTIVAL OF BOOKS

By MIKE LENGYEL
News Askew Writer

LOS ANGELES, California (NA) – April 23, 2005

Going into its ninth straight year, the LA TIMES sponsored FESTIVAL OF BOOKS held on the campus grounds at UCLA, continues its time-honored tradition of bringing together a collection of both popular and eclectic authors together to sign and discuss their recent works.

Over it’s two-day weekend stretch, the festival welcomed such critically acclaimed authors as Ray Bradbury, Alice Hoffman, Richard Matteson, Walter Mosley, James Patterson and Anne Perry, as well as the likes of the first woman in space, Sally Ride, Vietnam activist, Ron Kovic, California’s First Lady, Maria Shiver, NY Post’s gossip columnist Liz Smith and underground music hero turned author, Andy Prieboy all of which were scheduled to be in attendance this year.

But being centrally located on the UCLA campus offers attendees a little dose of Hollywood star-gazing as well considering several actors, producers, screenwriters and entertainment journalists have also taken a shine to the written word. Some of these guests present included such names as producers Stephen J. Cannell, Lynda Obst, actors Carrie Fisher, Beau & Jeff Bridges, Eric Idle, Ricky Jay and Carl Reiner, screenwriters Jerry Stahl and Michael Tolkin as well as prolific Hollywood journalists Peter Biskind, Leonard Maltin, Richard Shickel and Peter Bart.

Add to that list, Jersey-wood multi-threat, Kevin Smith. The writer-director-actor can now add yet another growing notch to his ever building Hollywood career – that now of author which comes with the most recent arrival of his book entitled simply, “SILENT BOB SPEAKS”. While the book is not a traditional novel or bio as some might expect, it is however a collection of essays, columns and articles that Smith has written over the past several years. Smith jokes that the book has been nearly two years in the making mainly due to the fact that all he needed new to contribute prior to the book going to press was write a simple intro, which took nearly two years of procrastinating before finally penning.

And thus, “SILENT BOB SPEAKS” has recently been released by Talk/Miramax Books and has already sold out its first initial pressing of 15,000 – a number that Smith notes may not be the same league as Tom Clancy-type numbers, but still the fact that the first printing has already sold out leaves him feeling rather proud just the nonetheless.

Speaking to a mainly college crowd of a few hundred, Smith opted against reading aloud from his book as most authors do, and simply went straight to the audience to field questions, which led to a barrage of varying topics ranging from his thoughts of the newly elect Pope Benedict, to “a where are they now” update on the career of “Growing Pains’” Kirk Cameron, Smith’s own desire to write a children’s book, and then reluctantly physically re-enacting his take of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy as well as envisioning HIS alternate ending for the trilogy if he had it his way eliciting much laughter and applause from the audience. But whenever the questions sided to more technical questions, such as Smith’s own writing process, he appeared bored with his answers on the subject and quickly moved on.

The one single highlight of the one-hour long set though, belonged to one seemingly nervous fan who kept brushing the right side of his face with his jacket, as he sheepishly asked Smith for a job, to which Smith quickly shot back, “Do you know what a fluffer is?” Then, once the audience laughter subdued, Smith quipped back, “Hey a hand job is still a job. The pay’s not great though.”

Without moving from the mic the same fan then asked if he could ask Smith for yet another favor – to help him convince a girl who was sitting elsewhere in the audience that he’s asked out previously 2 ½ times to go out with him. When asked to point out the object of his affection to Smith, the young female coed was quickly pointed out sitting mid-center in the crowd clearly embarrassed by being ousted on the spot. When asked what the “½” of his asking her out 2 ½ times was, the student remarked that her answer to him a that point was that she was a lesbian. A tactic that Smith immediately pointed out as being a near genius way of revenge, if indeed she was, and now was publicly ousted by the somewhat obsessed Romeo in front of an audience of her peers.

When urged by Smith to try asking her out again in front of the crowd, the love-spurred student then in a desperate moved, tried to sweeten the deal by acknowledging how he had a few hundred bucks with him and wanted to know if she’d like to drive down to Mexico with him, which was then quickly answered with a resounding “no.”

“Well that’s now 3 ½ times,” Smith said to the meek student as he quickly took back his seat, still rubbing the side of his face with the inside of his jacket trying to salvage whatever dignity he may still have left.

After Smith’s Q&A session he was informed that the organizers had cut-off the signing at 100 people, which then led Smith to quickly offer up an impromptu signing down the street at his store, JAY AND SILENT BOB’S SECRET STASH, to accommodate anyone who may have been cut-off.

After signing at the festival, Smith kept his word and met with fans to sign even more books and merchandise and offer up photo opportunities before finally wrapping up around 7pm.

© 2005 News Askew. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed without permission.

Kevin Smith Makes Successful Foray Into Print

By Ian Rice, Arts and Lifestyle Editor

Kevin Smith has had a very unique career in the world of film. Since his 1994 cinematic debut “Clerks,” a low-budget black-and-white feature concerning a day in the life of convenience store staff members, the writer/director has received a puzzling mix of positive and negative reviews for each successive release. There are those who love Smith’s work and those that hate it. Never have each extreme been so equally and drastically represented on such a consistent basis. His sophomore effort, 1995’s “Mallrats,” was critically lambasted yet has become a gigantic cult hit since its release on home video. His 1997 reel concerning gay and lesbian issues, “Chasing Amy,” garnered both negative GLAAD attention for using stereotypical depictions of the aformentioned groups and positive homo- and heterosexual attention for containing very powerful and heartfelt messages. The list goes on from here, each time with the same result: Smith is one of the most loved and most hated filmmakers of all-time…simultaneously.

Many naysayers point to Smith’s writing abilities as their major cause for complaint. In “Clerks,” they said nothing happened. In “Mallrats,” they said he was too low-brow. In his most recent effort, they said he was too preachy. All of these statements are untrue, of course (with the possible exception of “Mallrats,” which was low-brow but intentionally). Smith is one of the most intriguing writers of the last twenty-five years, crafting spiky dialogue around a slue of realistic, touching, heartwarming and amazing situations. And while his debut book, “Silent Bob Speaks,” is written in prose as opposed to his usual screenplay format, it provides a clear example of said talent with the written word.

“Silent Bob Speaks” is a collection of Smith’s columns for an assortment of print and online publications, beginning circa 1997 and carrying through the present. Their subject matter runs the gammut, touching on pop culture, his native New Jersey, comic books and their fans, the trials and tribulations of making a motion picture and the ups-and-downs of being a loving father and husband. Each are brutally honest, sarcastically on-point and thoroughly hilarious. It is a writer’s dream to be this on the money with every piece and by the end of the book, one is left craving more.

What are the satisfying aspects to reading this book? Well, the list is endless. A few of the highlights include Smith’s recap of his experiences with the apparently self-important Reese Witherspoon (who he dubs “Greasy Reese Witherspoon”), his experiences using a fat-blocking drug with disastrously hilarious side effects, interviews with both Ben Affleck and Tom Cruise and a devastatingly funny recap of his experience at a San Diego comic book convention (which is quite possibly one of the most brilliant pieces of humor ever committed to paper). Each of these stories possess something that few writers seem to be able to master these days: honesty and hilarity.

The best aspect of Smith’s writing is that he fully realizes the luck and proper timing that accompanied his sheer talent in getting him into the spotlight. While most who experience celebrity and notoriety allow it to go straight to their heads as if they had invented the cure for the world’s most life-threatening disease, Smith is sure to note time and time again that he considers himself lucky to be where he is. The truth is that while he may be lucky to have captured a piece of the world’s heart for so long, we are much luckier to have him around. With more writing like that included in “Silent Bob Speaks,” Smith is certain to be a success for many, many years to come.

I met with Kevin Smith yesterday at his house to discuss “Fletch” and/or other projects. He’s such a cool guy. He cooked me lunch! It was really awesome to sit down with someone who’s had so much success and still acts like a regular guy from Jersey. I jokingly told him I wanted to make “Garden State” action figures. (Because he’s got figures from every one of his movies.) He told me he’d put me in touch with the guy who does his. So who knows, I think it would be pretty cool to have a Sam action figure…