“In a festival year when you get ‘The Blair Witch Project’, ‘Summer of Sam’ and ‘Dogma’ playing in the same festival on consecutive days, how could anybody possibly complain? You may not like them but they are indisputable original.”

That same day I was informed that Wizard and Marvel had come to an agreement on a Daredevil 1/2 written by your pal and mine, Kevin Smith.

Of course they needed a cover A.S.A.P.

So I looked at my Spidey layout and thought about it for a second and realized what had to be done…… Spider-Man had to go to hell! You know as in devil, Daredevil.

So, there you have it. What was originally just a sketch for TV, then in my mind a possible cover to offer Ralph, inadvertently became what I hope will be a way spanky cool piece for Wizard.

By the way, Ralph never heard this story, so don’t anyone tell!

See ya on the Quick side

Joe “Hollywood” Quesada

DOGMA DOINGS: The reaction to the showing of Kevin Smith’s Dogma at the Cannes Film Festival has been mezzo-mezzo. Janet Maslin of The New York Times had some approving things to say, among them that the film wasn’t the anti-Catholic rant some were expecting. Todd McCarthy of Variety called it “an extraordinarily uneven film that significant cutting might be able to transform into a playable one.” Hence, a slight cooling of the heat the film has been enjoying over the past several weeks. But bidders are said to be talking to Miramax’s Harvey and Bob Weinstein, who bought the film from Disney for a reported $14 million to avoid a censorship hassle over its purported offensiveness to devout Catholics. Word is that Artisan, Lion’s Gate, and MGM are interested. Kevin Smith has said on his View Askew Web site that he would be content if the Weinsteins hung onto Dogma and released it themselves

Salma Hayek Staring In: Wild Wild West(July 2). Plays Rita Escobar, caught in alove triangle between goverment lawmen Will Smith and Kevin Kline, inthis movie version of the ’60s TV series directed by Barry(Get Shorty)Sonnenfeld Born: Sept. 2, 1968, in Coatzacolacos, Mexico, daughter of a Labanesefather and a Spanish mother. Deciding acting was her destiny, she becamea superstar in Mexico, playing the title role in the soap Teresa, thecountry’s highest rated TV show. Next Up: Appears as Serendipity in Dogma, a satiric look atCatholicism, with Matt Damon and Ben Affleck; will play painter FridaKahlo in biopic Frida. Little-Known Fact: Thwew formerly snake-phobic actress danced with awhite python as vampire Satanico Phandemonium in Robert Rodriguez’s FromDusk Till Dawn. On What Kills Creativity: “Comfort, Censorship, fear, formulas, andapathy for life.”

Joey Lauren Adams Staring In: Big Daddy(June 25). Plays the girlfriend Adam Sandler triesto impress with his maturity by adopting a little boy; directed dyDennis Durgan (Beverly Hills Ninja) Born: Jan.6, 1971, in Little Rock Arkansas. Came to L.A. at age 19 withonly a high school part in Annie and singing in her Baptist church choirunder her belt. Started out on TV as the Mona Mullins in the sitcoms Topof the Heap and its sequel, Vinne Bobby( staring Friends’ Matt LeBanc);Featured in 1993’s ’70s stoner flick Dazed and Confused; had a recurringrole on the short-lived sitcom The Second Noah. Signature Role: Alyssa, the lesbain comic-strip artist who falls forBen Affleck in Chasing Amy(Golden Globe nomination). On the Pros and Cons of Her Unique Little-Girl Voice:”When I get calls from sales people at home, I tell them that my mom’snot home, and they believe me. I could learn to lower it, but it’s myvoice.”

The report was labeled “HEAVENLY BODIES: Angel Delight”

Over short clip of Ben and Matt at the Airport:

Reporter: The Sizz has got this exclusive glimpse of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon in their first collaboration since “Good Will Hunting” won them that Golden trophy.

Ben interviewed in Cannes

Ben: Well you know we won the Oscar and then like the next day we were at some drizzly freeway off ramp in Pittsburgh and I thought ‘well it fades quickly’.

Over clip of Brad walking off screen at the Airport with the kissing couple (Chris behind does a double take at the kiss), then back to Ben and Matt.

Reporter: The new film is “Dogma” and these heavenly bodies play a couple of angels, but Ben told the Sizz it was hard to have a flutter.

Ben at Cannes (kind of mimes what he describes):

Ben: The funny thing about it is it took about six guys to move the wings, and I’d like do something where I stand up and I’d expect the wings to go with me, but Frank was down there, and the gears, and they wouldn’t sort of go.

Clip from “Thank U” video

Reporter: And God is in this too, usually played by and old man with a white beard, but played here by Alanis Morrisette – isn’t that ironic, don’t you think? But Ben swears she didn’t act the big G.

Ben at Cannes:

Ben: You expect these rock star women to be, you know, panicked about their image and all that but she was ready to go for it.

Barry Norman: Some controversy attended Kevin Smiths “Dogma”, an irreverant religious comedy which had upset the Roman Catholic Church and thus panicked the Disney organization which promptly handed over distribution to Miramax.

BN: ” Now you’ve come down here with Dogma and there was controversy about it. Now was it Disney that objected to the religious content, or was it the church, or is Disney the church, or what?”

KEVIN SMITH: “Thankfully it was all and nothing. It was a group, a splinter group called the Catholic League which is a self appointed group that goes around, , they’re kind of media watchdogs , and they look for the portrayal of the Catholic Church in different media and take umbrence when they feel it’s worthy of taking umbrence, When they feel like they are being attacked. They hadn’t even seen this movie, they hadn’t seen a frame of this movie, they didn’t know about it and they started hearing rumblings of it and they decided that it was anti catholic.”

SALMA HAYEK: “I think they are professional “Fusser makers” because they see something and it might be worth the possibility that it is worth a fuss, and then they just go for it…”

ALAN RICKMAN: “Well I suppose that as soon as there’s anything that brings up the word “religion”, the deafening sounds of high horses being climbed upon, you know, being dusted off in the cupboard where they’ve been since the Last Temptation of Christ or whatever else was the last time that people rampaged……”

KEVIN: “It’s irreverent whilst still being very reverent at the same time. There is a very irreverent sense of humour but there is a very reverent message to it. There is a very reverent undertone.There’s a lot of adolescent humour in it, but then at the same time, wait 2minutes and were gonna start busting some theology on you and talking about philosophies regarding ones faith, and so it runs all these different kinda gamut’s up and down and takes you on a little journey.”

BEN AFFLECK: “Its just a kind of rumination on the strictest tenants of religion, and trying to reconcile those with the strangeness and moral uncertainties and ambiguities of everyday modern life.”

A Lovely Theory about God

Alanis’ spiritual evolution had a weird sequence: She believed in God, then lost her faith, then she found God again. And she found God in the wildest of places. She’s even playing God, to Matt Damon and Ben Affleck’s fallen angels, in Kevin Smith’s new movie, Dogma.

…

In Light of what we’ve just been talking about, how was it playing God in Dogma?

Alanis: It was great! I mean, it’s hilarious, the thought of me playing God in a movie.

How does on play God?

Alanis: We play ourselves, because God is us. I didn’t really need to do any homework or anything. It was an intuitive thing.

One important lesson I’ve learned while working with AICN this year is never underestimate a friend of a friend of a friend of a college dean’s buddy of a midget porn actor’s pal’s sister of a friend’s acquaintance because they just might hook you up with a script–among several other things. Luckily, I was given a script and I was given a dandy.

When Jim Henson died in 1989 I was crushed, as was the rest of the world. I had been a huge fan of everything he created–especially anything involving the Muppets. From the show and flicks to the magazine and albums, you could say I was rather devoted. I still consider myself a fan at heart, though I have not seen MUPPET TREASURE ISLAND. After the Muppets came back with MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL I suppose I thought I outgrew the Muppets I knew and loved. I assumed they would carry on through recreations of classic stories much like Disney animated flicks. In my mind a MUPPET HAMLET or MUPPET MOBY DICK would be inevitable forthcoming films I could do without, and original stories would be few and far between…until now.

Keep in mind I know practically nothing about the upcoming MUPPETS FROM SPACE aside from what I’ve seen in the trailer and television spots. It appears, however, Jim Henson Productions and Columbia Pictures may be steering the Muppets back into the direction of fresh, new tales. With the funny script THE NEXT MUPPET MOVIE, written by Brian Lynch (BIG HELIUM DOG), the studio could find themselves making an outstanding Muppet film having sort of an indie vibe–all story, not many effects.

The premise is simple: Several Muppets have left “The Muppet Show” to pursue solo projects and Kermit needs them back. The path to this conflict and the road out is loaded with an action-packed climax (would you believe ninjas), fun celebrity cameos and approximately every Muppet character imaginable (“Sesame Street” not included).

Gonzo is one of the first Muppets to stray from the nest. He pursues the film role of a popular spy with suave style and fun gadgets. Animal tries his hand in rap music and Piggy, as would be expected, has her own talk show. Fozzie and Lew Zealand work in television as well with their own projects. There are several other examples, but they’re too good to give away.

So, why did they all leave? Who stayed? Did Statler and Waldorf take off too? Will they all come back? What’s Kermit doing in the interim? All these questions are answered with great humor. There are no musical numbers.

Lynch fills the script with a wide range of references for kids, adults, Muppet aficionados and up-and-coming fans. The script has a non-“cutesy poo” feel that MUPPETS FROM SPACE appears to have based on the trailer. This script contains nothing offensive, mind you, but the story is not JUST for kids–of course, the Muppets have never really been for children only. I remember my dad used to watch the Muppets with me. THE NEXT MUPPET MOVIE has a funny scene with Kermit and Piggy at a ball paying homage to the recent modernized adaptation of ROMEO AND JULIET which starred Claire Danes and the DiCaprio kid. So, even the so-called Generation X and Y’ers have something.

I apologize, I feel like I’m shortchanging the readers of this review with regard to the good stuff. I don’t want to give away celebrity cameo names, Muppet surprises, jokes or key plot points because they are all so sweet set against the backdrop of behind-the-scenes at “The Muppet Show.” In a sense, it’s almost like THE PLAYER with Muppets, if you will. I hope they get someone funny to play the prominent human role of Mick, and The Muppets have all the material to be in fine form: Kermit, Fozzie, Piggy, Gonzo and even a few folks from the short-lived “Muppets Tonight” like Clifford and Bobo. Oh, and look for Rizzo the Rat, Floyd and Zoot to be the cult heroes of the film a la Boba Fett or Mini-Me–characters not expected to be enjoyed so much, but are.

After reading this script I have become extremely curious of Lynch’s film effort BIG HELIUM DOG. It has been previouslyreviewed on AICN–favorably, I believe–but I’ve no idea of the fate of the flick, though it is tied to View Askew Films having been executive produced by Kevin Smith and cohorts. However, if Lynch continues to write scripts like THE NEXT MUPPET MOVIE, he’ll have no trouble getting gigs in the future. He finally returns the Muppets to where they belong at that much higher level of kid-like entertainment than the a lot of the stuff that’s out there. And if this witty script is produced, the movie will make folks excited and interested about the Muppets again. Henson would be proud.

Elston Gunn

KEVIN – “At the heart of it all It’s a reverant film, you know, it’s like it’s often at times irreverent but at the end of it all it’s a reverent film.”

BEN – “The humor of what Kevin has written is legitimate and humorous in the way that is real and accessible.”

SALMA – “It’s absurd and ridiculous and smart and entertaining and funny.”

LINDA – “It’s a fantasy and you can make it what you want at any given time.”

Bethany and Bartleby talking on the train.

Bethany attempting to convince Jay and Silent Bob to join her on her quest.

And Serendipity talking about having a “Zillion ideas”…