21. CLERKS

With its cruddy lensing and sound, Kevin Smith’s way-low-budget debut feels like a bootleg copy of an adolescent mind.

AVC: You were in Zack And Miri Do A Porno with Seth Rogen. You’ve both worked extensively with Judd Apatow, who is famous for encouraging improvisation, where Kevin Smith is known for discouraging ad-libbing. Did Smith allow improvisation on Zack?

CR: Definitely. This was supposed to be the first movie he did that on. He just told us to go for it, to do our thing. I wouldn’t have guessed that he’d ever discouraged improvisation, but I guess he’s just used to doing scenes down to the letter. He was very encouraging about doing improv at this particular time.

AVC: Were there any particular improvisations you were especially proud of?

CR: There were a couple of things. Tisha Campbell came out with both guns blazing. She was going off. She was totally off-book, so I just had to catch up with her and go with her toe-to-toe. Kevin’s direction was that at first I was kind of stunned, but then I think, “Are you going to take that?” So I’m like, “Oh yeah, here we go.” Then the titty auditions, that was all improv. Kevin just told us to start here, then end up somewhere else.

Read the whole thing at AV Club.

7. “Zack and Miri Make a Porno”


Writer/director Kevin Smith found his stroke once again with this riotous and surprisingly heartfelt comic yarn about a platonic couple (Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks) who discover they’re in love while making a nudie flick. The movie encapsulates Smith’s heedless joy of filmmaking.

“Jersey Girl” (2004)

Continuing his streak of playing #2s, Damon reunited with his “Dogma” director Kevin Smith for a bit of déjà vu. Shortly before he became a household name with “Good Will Hunting,” Damon took a minor role in “Chasing Amy” as “Shawn Oran – Executive #2,” an MTV producer who tries to lure Holden and Banky (Ben Affleck and Jason Lee) to adapt their comic book for TV. In “Jersey Girl,” Lee and Damon sit across from Affleck’s Ollie Trinke as PR execs #1 and #2, respectively, who interview Trinke for a job. Smith laments on the DVD commentary, “You don’t know how disheartening it is to be at a test screening and get cards back where like ‘scene liked most: Jason Lee and Matt Damon’ because you’re like dude, they were in the movie for a minute.”

The “Clerks: The Animated Series” scenario

This is by far the most depressing of the three scenarios. The network might initially give support to the show in the conceptual phase even though they’re not entirely sold on it. Once the show has got a few episodes in the can, the network executives will balk at the prospect of giving it even the tiniest bit of support.

This has happened many times before with other shows, I’m certain, but there is one particularly ugly example that comes to mind for me. I’m sure a lot of you are familiar with movie writer/director Kevin Smith. Back in the early part of the decade he was approached by ABC to have his very first film, “Clerks”, translated into an animated series. Even though Kevin’s involvement with the project was minimal compared to that of his films the project looked good on paper. It had Brian O’Halloran, Jeff Anderson & Jason Mewes reprising their roles as Dante, Randal & Jay, so what could go wrong? Everything!

First of all, the often vulgar “Clerks” was a concept that was not at all compatible with ABC, which is owned by Disney. If it had been optioned by a cable network like Comedy Central or Cartoon Network there was a chance it would have translated quite well to the small screen. Even the Fox network could have made it work, given their success with shows like “The Simpsons” & “Family Guy”. But because ABC took it on the show’s producers attempted to transform “Clerks” into something it definitely wasn’t: a normal animated sitcom. It ended up being such a watered-down version of the source material that it turned off a lot of Kevin Smith’s normally loyal and forgiving fanbase (myself included) and viewers unfamiliar with Smith’s other work just didn’t connect with it.

It doesn’t help that ABC seemed to revel in making a bad situation worse. It delayed the premiere of the series from early Spring to Summer, then it made the decision to air the fourth episode of the series as the pilot episode. The network then aired the second episode, which was a “flashback” episode with the flashback sequences referring almost solely to what was intended to be the first episode. With seemingly the entire deck stacked against it, “Clerks: The Animated Series” was cancelled after merely two out of the six completed episodes having aired.

“Not so. It’s unlikely to see DVD because Buena Vista Home Video wasn’t interested in doing it upon the initial release of the flick on home video, and then really wasn’t interested in doing it once the Harvey/Bob/Miramax/Disney breakup happened. Cost doesn’t have anything to do with it; it’s pure spite, at this point. So weird.”

Those of you who watched it with us at Vulgarthon West know what folks are missing with this one, as the extended cut added quite a bit of richness to the story, especially with the Ben/Jen relationship, sadly lost to the cutting room floor in theatrical and DVD releases. Here’s hoping Kevin dusts this one off once again for the rumored 2009 Vulgarthon event.

‘A God Who Cussed’

Director Kevin Smith remembers George Carlin

They say you should never meet your heroes. I’ve found this a good rule to live by, but as with any rule, there’s always an exception.

My first exposure to George Carlin was in 1982, when HBO aired his “Carlin at Carnegie” stand-up special. When I saw the advert—featuring a clip of Carlin talking about the clichéd criminal warning of “Don’t try anything funny,” and then adding, “When they’re not looking, I like to go …,” followed by a brief explosion of goofy expressions and pantomime—I immediately asked my parents if I could tape it on our new BetaMax video recorder.

That was a hilarious bit. But when I finally watched the special, Carlin blew my doors off. Whether he was spinning a yarn about Tippy, his farting dog, or analyzing the contents of his fridge, Carlin expressed himself not only humorously, but amazingly eloquently as well. I was, as they say, in stitches.

And that was before he got to the Seven Words You Can’t Say on Television.

I was 12 years old, watching a man many years my senior curse a blue streak while exposing the hypocrisy of a medium (and a society) that couldn’t deal with the public usage of terms they probably employed regularly in their private lives. And while he seemed to revel in being a rebel, here was a man who also clearly loved the English language, warts and all—even the so-called “bad words” (although, as George would say, there are no such things as “bad words”). I wouldn’t say George Carlin taught me obscenities, but I would definitely say he taught me that the casual use of obscenities wasn’t reserved just for drunken sailors, as the old chestnut goes; even intelligent people were allowed to incorporate them into their everyday conversations (because George was nothing if not intelligent).

From that moment forward, I was an instant Carlin disciple. I bought every album, watched every HBO special, and even sat through “The Prince of Tides” just because he played a small role in the film. I spent years turning friends on to the Cult of Carlin, the World According to George, and even made pilgrimages to see him perform live (the first occasion being a gig at Farleigh Dickinson University in 1988). Carlin influenced my speech and my writing. Carlin replaced Catholicism as my religion.

Sixteen years later, I sat across from the star of “Carlin at Carnegie” in the dining room of the Four Seasons Hotel in Los Angeles. It was a meeting I’d dreamed of and dreaded simultaneously. George Carlin was the type of social observer/critic I most wanted to emulate … but he was a celebrity, too. What if he turned out to be a true prick?

What I quickly discovered was that, in real life, George was, well, George. Far from a self-obsessed jerk, he was mild-mannered enough to be my Dad. He was as interested as he was interesting, well-read and polite to a fault—all while casually dropping F-bombs. But most impressive, he didn’t treat me like an audience member, eschewing actual conversation, electing instead to simply perform the whole meeting, more “on” than real. He talked to me like one of my friends would talk to me: familiar, unguarded, authentic.

I made three films with George over the course of the next six years, starting with “Dogma” and his portrayal of Cardinal Glick, the pontiff-publicist responsible for the Catholic Church’s recall of the standard crucifix in favor of the more congenial, bubbly “Buddy Christ.” A few years later, I wrote him a lead role in “Jersey Girl”—as Bart Trinke (or “Pop”), the father of Ben Affleck’s character. It called for a more dramatic performance than George was used to giving, but the man pulled it off happily and beautifully. (Something most folks probably don’t know about George: He took acting very seriously. The man was almost a Method actor.) Sadly, I consider that “Jersey Girl” part my one failing on George’s behalf, and not for the reasons most would assume (the movie was not reviewed kindly, to say the least). No, I failed because George had asked me to write a different role for him.

In 2001, George did me a solid when he accepted the part of the orally fixated hitchhiker who knew exactly how to get a ride in “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.” When he wrapped his scene in that flick, I thanked him for making the time, and he said, “Just do me a favor: Write me my dream role one day.” When I inquired what that’d be, he offered, “I wanna play a priest who strangles children.”


It was a classic Carlin thing to say: a little naughty and a lot honest. I always figured there’d be time to give George what he asked for. Unfortunately, he left too soon.

He was, and will likely remain, the smartest person I’ve ever met. But really, he was much more than just a person. Without a hint of hyperbole, I can say he was a god, a god who cussed.

Some have asked us if Kevin may have had Mr. Carlin in mind for a part in “Red State” given his desire to take evil turns on film. Sure would have been interesting. From two fellow Carlin disciples to Kevin and the rest of his fans, we sure wish we could have seen him back here in the Askewniverse once again.

The cost of obtaining soundtrack rights outweighed the entire production costs for this 1994 film.

Pretty cool, no? We’re wondering if there will ever be another successful flick made as cheaply. While “Red State” will certainly easily exceed the “Clerks” and “Chasing Amy” indie budgets, we’re curious to see what happens with that project, especially if Kev and Scott decide to independently fund it.

“In the movie Mallrats, Ben Affleck famously (rhetorically?) asks, ‘Who’s your favorite New Kid?’ while atop a schoolgirl. This surprisingly profound question begs the inevitable Beatles analogy.”

NEW: Jersey Girl
Arrogant Yuppie finds his way back into the simple, real life.
Charming, tragic comedy with Ben Affleck

Critics bashed this Kevin Smith movie really hard, although it is a pleasant watch until the happy end.

PICK OF THE DAY: Charmingly sympathetic

The Ben Affleck Info-Box says:

Arrogant and rude

A Producer denied Affleck the leading role in Smiths Mallrats. The director gave his friend a supporting role, and after Ben’s Oscar win for “Good Will Hunting”, even leading roles. (Chasing Amy, Dogma) In 2007, Affleck made a critically acclaimed directorial debut with “Gone Baby Gone”. Right now he is filming with Russell Crowe the Remake of the BBC Movie “State of Play”.

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, “Gigli”

“…Ironically, the failure of “Gigli” led writer-director Kevin Smith to radically pare down Lopez’s role opposite Affleck in “Jersey Girl,” but the couple play off each other brilliantly in the rarely screened original cut of that film, which Smith plans to one day release on DVD.”